This Show Had Me Stressed Out of My HEAD

BEEF on Netflix, the Brooke Shields doc, and James Marsden as a narcissist

(screenshot) Ali Wong in BEEF. Also my face at the random man in my Instagram comments who said, “Please block me.”

We’re back! Last week, instead of updating my Substack, I spent Easter in Texas/Louisiana with Ben and my parents; paqued eggs with my cousins; rewatched tons of Parks and Rec; binged all ten episodes of a new show [which we’ll talk about below] that broke my brain, gave me a constant sense of impending doom, and sent me to a new plane of spiritual existence; and, finally, got emotionally demolished by the third episode of Succession! All in all, a good week off!

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[I found this nifty little Succession Personality Test where you can find out which of the scummy scumbags you are! I got Kendall! No comment!] Who did you get??

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I also did an explainer on Instagram about the minor kerfuffle between Angel Reese/LSU fans and First Lady Jill Biden, which was silly but also not silly. The explainer went a tiny bit viral with 14,000 views, and people were in my comments bullying me, which made me feel exactly like that one time I went deep-sea fishing: thrilled to be here and moderately queazy! [There was one person with a golden retriever profile pic who said, “You seem like a pleasant person to be around” — a real ministry.] Anyways, geaux Tigers and geaux women’s basketball!

Lastly, I got my wisdom tooth (singular) pulled out! That’s right, the Tooth Fairy blessed me with just one wisdom tooth, which means that while my children may be toothless, I was in-and-out of the ortho in half an hour after a local anesthetic, a quick sense of pressure, a crunching noise I will never unhear, and a wisdom tooth fully extracted in five seconds! That’s what we call undeserved grace, people!

[This is not to say that I, a known hypochondriac, have not squandered this toothless gift by panic-spiraling at least six times a day since the extraction, thinking I had an infection/a hole through my sinuses/a dry socket/fill-in-the-blank-with-any-implausible-complication and was going to imminently perish.]

I would LOVE to hear your best/worst wisdom tooth stories while I recover this week. Please AND thank you! Now, on to this week’s topics!

In the News Lightning Round: Questions for the Audience

• They’re doing a live-action remake of Moana and The Rock will be reprising his role as Maui.
  🗣 Asking the Audience: Do we want this?! Yes or no?

• Another Game of Thrones Spinoff?? We already have in the works Season Two of House of the Dragon, a spinoff about Jon Snow, a series about a knight and squire during the Targaryen reign, and NOW potentially a prequel about Aegon the Conqueror, the Targaryen who conquered Westeros and whose two wives were also his sisters.
  🗣 Asking the Audience: Are we incested out?

• Timothee Chalamet is rumored to be dating Kylie Jenner.
  🗣 Asking the Audience: What DO they talk about?

• Taylor Swift split up with Joe Alwyn after 6 years. Who will she date next? I’m talking VEGAS ODDS, people! Taylor is free to live her own life but the odds are for us all! Pete Davidson has the shortest odds at 8-to-1 and Pedro Pascal is breathing down his neck at 12-to-1. But I say these people clearly don’t know Taylor! My top choices:
  (1) Leo [this would be a PR relationship, but why not?]
  (2) Paul Mescal of Normal People nudity fame [Tay’s touring partner Phoebe Bridgers used to date him, but now Phoebs is all cozied up with Bo Burnham, so she’d probably forgive?]
  (3) A heretofore little-known British actor who will be her muse but not do too much to take the spotlight away from Taylor [my money is on this one for her to settle on, but maybe she dallies with the others first],
  (4) One for the Gaylors: Phoebe Bridgers?
  🗣 Asking the Audience: Who’s your pick?

• The latest Barbie trailer dropped!!! Revealing a script as quippy and smart as one would hope from Greta Gerwig of Ladybird and Little Women fame. When Kate McKinnon got introduced as “This Barbie is always in the splits”!?? Reader, I screamed!!! Ryan Gosling said this was the best script he’s ever read!
  🗣 Asking the Audience: Which Barbie are you? I’m “This Barbie is always at the dentist.”

Source (because Substack doesn’t automatically link to Twitter anymore)

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The Three Best Things I Watched This Week: a brilliant + hilarious + traumatizing drama, a documentary, and a prankster comedy.

Here they are, in order.

Beef on Netflix

Y’all, BEEF broke my BRAIN.

BEEF is the most stressful show I have ever watched. I mean, I thought The Bear was stressful, but that was a casual stroll down Sesame Street compared to BEEF! BEEF was Uncut Gems and Parasite levels of dread. And like both of those, it was also mind-blowingly good. I mean, how could it not be: Made by A24, with one of the best comedians doing it (Ali Wong) and an Oscar winner (Steven Yeun) as the two leads! The acting *chef’s kiss* The story *chef’s kiss* The comedy *chef’s kiss* The tragedy *chef’s kiss* The number of times my JAW DROPPED!? CHEF’S. KISS.

This show is literature. It’s a book. It’s a short story. You have to commit to watching the entirety of it if you start. I mean literally like to the last second to make it all whole. So be sure you’re ready cuz it’s a bumpy, hellish, fun, horrible, devastating ride! A single episode on its own is incredibly stressful but as a whole, it’s transformative, spiritual even. And hilarious. On paper, it’s about a road rage incident that sets off a chain of increasingly devastating events. But it’s also more. I wrote in my Notes app while watching: “BEEF for (B)(E) sur(E) your sins will (F)ind you out.” [lol @ me] 👏🏼BIB👏🏼LI👏🏼CAL👏🏼. Around episode 5, there’s a slow tonal shift — and at episode 7 if you’re not crying to a higher power for love and forgiveness, what are you even doing???

Also, while it may be unbearably stressful and shockingly violent, the cast makes it sooo watchable. One reviewer called Ali Wong and Steven Yeun “diabolically watchable” and that’s the whole thing in two words. There’s a scene in a church with Steven Yeun and a scene in a therapist’s office with Ali Wong and both of those scenes are going to be played over and over again in the awards circuit next year. I watched both scenes several times.

“There must be some point where we all fall outside the reach of love? Like the mistake is so big, and then the love has to stop.” -Ali Wong in BEEF

Pretty Baby: Brooke Shields on Hulu

This story in two parts (two hour-long episodes) was really well done. I didn’t grow up too familiar with Brooke Shields, but she was still there in the background all the time — on tabloids, in the news, in ads, on Friends.

The weakness in the documentary, to me, was where they tried to put a specific cultural reading on her life. Normally I love that stuff — like, what was going on in the greater culture at the time, what forces of history and human preferences are reflected in this individual’s life and in the way we treated her? But they kinda stretch it too much pour moi. Like, was the sexualization of nine-year-old Brooke Shields a vengeful patriarchal reaction to second-wave feminism? Or are there just shitty people out there who are willing to take advantage of the vulnerable for money? You tell me. [I also get that both can be true!]

The documentary shines where Brooke herself is talking about her experience and where they interview her friends [especially Drew Barrymore with her bare feet sitting criss-cross!? a national treasure!] and her security guy [love him!!] and unfold the story straightforwardly. I think it would’ve been better without the pundits telling us how to read Brooke’s life. But in the end, there aren’t too many pundits and it’s just really wonderful to see how Brooke gained her voice and became an advocate for herself and for women.

Jury Duty on Amazon Freevee - James Marsden is a revelation!

This show is like if The Office, The Truman Show, and Judge Judy had a baby and that baby also included beautiful, talented, underrated James Marsden playing “himself” but a hilariously narcissistic version of himself. In other words, delightful television all around!

Basically it’s set up as a mockumentary about a court case, and everyone is an actor like in any other mockumentary like The Office and Abbott Elementary but the twist is that one juror is actually a regular guy who has no idea everyone else is actors and he thinks he’s in a real court case that a movie crew is making a real documentary about.

As someone who abhors pranks and gets nauseous any time a person is singled out at a comedy show, I actually found this…delightful?? They don’t mock the guy who doesn’t know it’s not real. He’s kind of the audience’s avatar, reacting to the mounting insanity around him. He’s Jim on an unsuspecting hero’s journey, and you love him.

Also, did I mention James Marsden?

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That’s it for this week, folks! Thank you oh-so-much for reading and interacting and sharing your thoughts! Drop a comment or a heart to say hello! <3