Is Galadriel the Actual Worst? An Investigation.
That LOTR Finale, plus: Avoiding "Amsterdam," the countdown to Taylor Swift's new album, and Bake Off + SNL highlights
Hi friends! I am currently on Cold #2 of this lovely Autumn Season. It has been exactly one month since I recovered from my first cold and now here it is dragging its raggedy a*s back here ready for round two. Don’t you just love New York in the Fall?
Yesterday my head felt like a faucet, but today it feels precisely like the inside of a Milk Dud. Remember those? One of the lowest candies in the Halloween Candy Hierarchy? The kind that sticks in your teeth for 1-3 weeks and is on the "Foods to Avoid With Braces” list? Yeah, that’s how my entire sinus apparatus feels right now. One big gummed-up Milk Dud the size of a human head.
Anyhoo! Speaking of Halloween candy! I have a three-part question for you:
1) What was your favorite Halloween candy?
2) What was your least favorite Halloween candy? [And was it Circus Peanuts?]
3) And most importantly: What was your “secret weapon” Halloween candy? You know, the one that when Trick-or-Treating was over and all the kids had dumped their candy bags on the floor and were sorting through and bargaining for better candies — which candy did you know the other kids didn’t like as much as you, so you could get it for PENNIES on the dollar!??
My secret weapon was Almond Joys! I freaking LOVE an Almond Joy! Kids would take a pack of Necco Wafers for an Almond Joy! Their loss!
In the News
Taylor Swift’s new album drops this Friday!
Tay has been doing a cringey gimmicky cute series of TikToks in anticipation of the album drop. In the videos, Taylor—who appears to be imprisoned in a backstage theater closet in the year 1975—has been revealing each of her new song titles one by one.
Y’all, it does not take much to excite the Swifties! A truth evidenced by comments like “GENIUS!!!” and “Literally speechless!!!” in response to titles that could be soundmixes from your Sleep App like “Midnight Rain” and “Snow on the Beach”! Regardless, I am obviously excited.
Speaking of Taylor Swift…
…Don’t go see that movie Amsterdam that just came out!
Or, do! I can’t tell you what to do! It’s your life!
Everyone is in this movie, include Ms. Taylor A. Swift. But that’s the crazy part, because turns out David O. Russell has *checks notes* molested his 19-year-old niece, and is so abusive on movie sets that: (1) Amy Adams cried every day of making American Hustle to the point Christain Bale intervened [so why are you in THIS movie, Christian?], (2) called Lily Tomlin the c-word [you can hear his entire quote on Mike Birbiglia’s standup], and (3) was so violent on the set of Three Kings that George Clooney refuses to work with him??
Meanwhile, Olivia Wilde is “unlikeable,” and it’s all we could talk about! Me included! For the second week in a row, I cancel myself!
To cleanse the timeline, enjoy the Spirited trailer!
I cannot wait for this movie!! It better be good, but I will see it even if it’s garbage! Coming November 11th.
Saturday Night Live Highlights
Megan Thee Stallion hosted and musical guested and whatever your feelings about Megan [I think she’s a brilliant artist], we can all agree she PERFORMED.
Highlights: (1) “We Got Brought” — finally addressing the universal experience of being a +1 to a party you didn’t want to go to. (2) Please Don’t Destroy’s “Wellness” ad, (3) another new guy, Devon Walker, does standup on Weekend Update and I liked it, (4) “Women’s Charity” — it me, (5) “Classroom.”
Bake Off Corner - Clootie Dumplings
This week was dessert week — or “pudding” as they call it across the pond. One of those desserts was a Scottish specialty called a “clootie dumpling” and I think that sounds quite dirty!
Paul continues his scorched-earth campaign to assert he is King of “Foreign Cuisines” by proclaiming he has, in fact, had piña coladas “on most continents actually.” Actually!
I was very glad they seemed to return to classic British dishes that actually (actually) involve baking this week, and left the creativity up to the contestants.
GUTTED to see Carole leave, though. Who will bring the zanyness now???
Episode 5 Leaderboard
Syabira dropped, but I still believe in her!
Sandro (last week: #2)
Janusz (lw: #1)
Maxy (lw: #3)
Abdul (lw: #5)
Syabira (lw: #4)
A Few *Spoiler-Laden* Reactions to that Rings of Power Finale
First: Sauron’s Identity. Hot Sauron.
YES! By Episode 2, I many of us correctly predicted who Sauron was, and that is what we call Deep Nerd Instincts! I got it locked somewhere in my subconscious that Sauron was once imprisoned in Numenor, taken to Eregion as a wounded king, made himself “fair-faced” to trick the elves, and was a dab hand at smithing.
Tough to brag though since there were only like three mediocre guesses about who Sauron would be. This show did not have a lot of levels, y’all! lol
And, yes I AM on board with Sexy Sauron! Give us a whole season of this! We didn’t get enough Hot Tom Riddle in those Harry Potter movies!
Second: Sauron was…kinda right?
I know I’m already on shaky ground with my Alicent Sympathizer Views, but like…Did Sauron and the Evil Elf Guy in the barn kind of make some compelling points? Like, the Elves are bigots, and we just want peace and for everyone to be allowed to breathe even if they are ugly, aka Orcs?
I mean, Sauron didn’t mean any of it, but still!
Fourth: Galadriel is. a. PROBLEM.
Galadriel is definitely the Big Bad at this point. She isn’t telling anyone that she knows who Sauron is and that she let him loose on the world!?? Instead, she’s gone fully “Rings are only for the Master Elven Race” Nazi! I’m not saying I’m drinking the Sauron Kool-Aid, but…who exactly is the bad guy here???
In the words of my friend Laura N: “This is all Galadriel’s fault. All of it. This is what happens when we don’t go to therapy.”
In the words of Ben: “Hannah, did you see the stick in that scene?”
Me: “What stick?”
Ben: “The stick up Galadriel’s BUTT!”
Anyhoo.
This does track with LOTR canon that Galadriel eventually shuts herself up in Lothlorien and refuses to take the One Ring because she doesn’t trust herself with power. So I guess we’re seeing her Young Dumbledore years where she’s hatching plans for World Domination with her boyfriend Grindelwald friends Elrond and Celebrimbor.
Overall Takeaway:
This show was stunningly beautiful and legitimately brought the world I loved so much to life…visually. But plotwise, acting-wise, and characterwise…not so much. They basically dragged their feet for six episodes doing nothing except Galadriel striding around yelling at people and everyone pretending none of us knew who “The Stranger” was. [Some people had other guesses only because it was TOO OBVIOUS.]
Then in the final two episodes, all hell breaks loose, but there are zero stakes because all the characters are so powerfully bland! Also, they kept pausing every five minutes to try to Copy/Paste a “Samwise Gamgee” End of the World speech. As if!
And yet, with all that said, I’m kind of grateful just to be back in that world and talking and complaining about it again. <3