10 Things to Know Before the Oscars!

It's Oscars Eve!

source: Nerdist

There are maybe two things in life that both the Very Liberal and the Very Conservative can agree on: First, there’s nothing worse than when your no-show sock bunches up in your shoe! And second, the Oscars are massively, fantastically, magnificently out of touch.

AND YET. Despite the fact that the Oscars writ large are doggedly unmoored from reality [we’re literally giving gold trophies to millionaires!], I still LIVE for the Oscars!!!! The red carpet! The drama! The snubs! The awkward speeches! The outrage! The deeply uncomfortable comedic bits! WE HATE IT AND WE WANT IT!!!

So, in anticipation of Sunday’s Big Night, we have a special newsletter, Oscars Edition™️.

I’ll give predictions at the end — ie, who I think will win and who I wish would win. (Don’t put money on this, I’m not an expert, this is based purely on my own emotional reactions to the movies plus voracious consumption of Oscars podcasts and news).

But first, let’s hit the major headlines and spill all that tea...

10 Things to Know — All the Oscars Drama

1. The big battle is shaping up to be Coda vs. The Power of the Dog

The Best Picture frontrunner was The Power of the Dog all the way until their director, Jane Campion, put her foot in her mouth at the Critic’s Choice Awards last week.

Coda, on the other hand, has been a slow burn, with the cast charming and delighting audiences on the awards circuit and building momentum for the importance of their story. I loved Coda and even though I don’t feel like it was Best Picture material, it was definitely the most openly touching and watchable on the Best Picture list.

I think Power of the Dog will win, though, because it’s more “Oscar”-y??

2. Regina Hall, Wanda Sykes, and Amy Schumer are hosting. Amy Schumer will probably make several jokes about the Oscars being stupid. Regina will probably have a capital E ✨ENTRANCE✨.

Oh, the hosting drama. If you recall, they haven’t HAD hosts for a couple of years because of the “pandemic.” But really it was because everybody said “NO THANKS TO THAT THANKLESS JOB” after watching Jimmy Kimmel take a bunch of moviegoers hostage in 2020 or that time James Franco slow-motion-crashed the vehicle that was his and Anne Hathaway’s co-hosting gig in 2011.

“Thankless job?” Hollywood said. “Let’s give it to the women.”

3. Some of the presenters are raising eyebrows — and waves. 🌊 (This pun will make sense in a sec!)

The list of presenters feels like an MTV call sheet and includes Tony Hawk, DJ Khaled, Shaun White, and Kelly Slater who, according to Google, is a surfer??? (Get it, wave?) At least Bill Murray and Tracee Ellis Ross will be there. I predict that everyone will wonder why they just aren’t doing it all.

4. Rachel Zegler got snubbed and then didn’t, but now everyone is mad, just like always.

Rachel Zegler, star of Best Picture nominee West Side Story, was originally NOT INVITED to the Oscars!! Allegedly the reason was because she’s “in the UK” “working on Snow White” and Disney was all like, “You can’t leave!”

The backlash was CACOPHONOUS, so now she’s suddenly—conveniently—invited as a presenter. In a week of bad looks and unforced errors by Disney, just add this to the list I guess.

5. “Weren’t some awards cut?” Plus, the Jessica Chastain of it all.

This year, eight awards are going to be filmed ahead of time and edited into the broadcast, which means the winners won’t have time to call their moms before the news is on Twitter! We hate that for them!!!!!

A lot of people are mad about it and Jessica Chastain is threatening to skip the red carpet entirely so she can watch these wonderful artisans win their awards. I think that’s super nice of her even if it’s like…nobody cares about your red carpet thing, Jessica.

6. Musical performances from Beyoncé! Billie Eilish! and REBA!

Reba is performing a song from Four Good Days, which is a movie I have never heard of in my life!

To the DISMAY of pompous film critics who hate anything that smacks of entertainment and who use words like “canard” [be honest, did you have to Google that? because I did and I have a GREAT vocabulary!], the Oscars have continued to move in the direction of packing in the musical performances (and “fan favorites” but we’ll get to that) at the expense of real awards being awarded on-screen.

I have no problem with this and I hope Beyoncé does a whole tennis choreo!

Question: Are you pro or against more musical performances?

7. There will be a “Fan Favorite” category this year, chosen by Twitter vote. Yes, this is real and you are not in a nightmare!

Also — and I am not making this up — the current frontrunner for this LITERAL OSCAR is Camila Cabello’s Cinderella.

Yes, this does mean that Ms. Cabello could win an Oscar before Ms. Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. I OBJECT!!! This is like the kids table version of an Oscar and an obvious ploy to up the ratings. It is offensive to ALL, including Me, who literally has no skin in the game nor a reason to take personal offense!

Question: As always, I welcome your opinions in the comments: Yes or no to a Fan Favorite?? Is it fun or destroying the purity of an ancient tradition?

8. Shaq and Steph Curry could also get an Oscar!?!

For producing The Queen of Basketball, a documentary short film that you can watch on YouTube right now and which is fantastic. It’s like, okay, sure, I guess. They have a lot of trophies.

9. Lin Manuel Miranda might finally nail down his EGOT — Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony.

Feel however you want to feel about this.

He’s up for one of the songs from Encanto, but shockingly NOT “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” which is the only one I know about, thanks to TikTok.

[I have never listened to the whole “Bruno” song but the general vibe I get from TikTok is that a large family has an uncle named Bruno and he is bricked up into a wall in their house and they pretend he isn’t there which seems like a human rights violation to me. Also I think maybe he predicts their futures—from behind the wall? not clear on this—and it makes them mad for some reason. Tell me if I’m close!!]

10. The Gift Bags. OH, THE GIFT BAGS!!!! 🤑💰💸

Every year, the “top nominees” get opulent gift bags with the luxe of the luxe items, and they’re even more out of touch than Gwyneth Paltrow *herself*!!!

This year, the total value is in the SIX figures and yet the theme is bafflingly “Everyone Wins!” I can tell you right now I do NOT feel like I am winning in this scenario!! [And yet the Oscars cannot understand why nobody likes them! And I cannot understand why I DO!!]

Anyhoo, here are some of the most outrageous items included in this bag for incandescently rich, beautiful people:

• A “plot” of “land” in Scotland. Which is literally, I do believe, an actual plot of land. PLUS the honorary title of “Lord/Lady of Glencoe.” (I’m serious.)

• A liposuction procedure for your arm? I am not sure if it is for one arm or two arms! Or maybe a gift card??

• Gold-fleck-infused olive oil. Dumb Peasant Question: Are gold flecks not poisonous!?

• $10,000 worth of Botox. “I don’t know a single woman without Botox!” the gift bag designer says, tossing champagne and laughing!

• $25,000 worth of home renovations. (“People are always doing renovations on their fifth house,” says the SAME MAN.)

• A spiritual connection coaching session.

• SEVERAL vacations.

• And, surprisingly, popcorn! See, they’re just like us!

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Predicting the Winners

Okay, with that said, here are my quick-and-dirty predictions for the big categories, please don’t quote me on this or use it to wager actual dollars.

The heading is the one I expect to win, then I list the nominees competing, then my personal choice based on what I’ve watched.

Best Picture: *The Power of the Dog*

Nominees:
The Power of the Dog
Belfast
CODA
Don’t Look Up
Drive My Car
Dune
King Richard
Licorice Pizza
Nightmare Alley
West Side Story

→ Who I wish would win: Drive My Car

Best Director: *Jane Campion, “The Power of the Dog”*

Nominees:
Jane Campion, “The Power of the Dog”
Paul Thomas Anderson, “Licorice Pizza”
Steven Spielberg, “West Side Story”
Ryusuke Hamaguchi, “Drive My Car”
Kenneth Branagh, “Belfast”

→ Who I wish would win: Hamaguchi for “Drive My Car”

Best Actress: *Jessica Chastain, “The Eyes of Tammy Faye”*

Nominees:
Jessica Chastain, “The Eyes of Tammy Faye”
Nicole Kidman, “Being the Ricardos”
Olivia Colman, “The Lost Daughter”
Kristen Stewart, “Spencer”
Penélope Cruz, “Parallel Mothers”

→ Who I wish would win: Kristen Stewart, duh

Best Supporting Actress: *Ariana DeBose, “West Side Story”*

Nominees:
Ariana DeBose, “West Side Story”
Kirsten Dunst, “The Power of the Dog”
Aunjanue Ellis, “King Richard”
Jessie Buckley, “The Lost Daughter”
Judi Dench, “Belfast”

→ Who I wish would win: Ariana!!!

Best Actor: *Will Smith, “King Richard”*

Nominees:
Will Smith, “King Richard”
Andrew Garfield, “Tick, Tick … Boom!”
Benedict Cumberbatch, “The Power of the Dog”
Denzel Washington, “The Tragedy of Macbeth”
Javier Bardem, “Being the Ricardos”

→ Who I wish would win: Will deserves this, though maybe not for this movie, but he deserves his Oscar! And maybe Denzel should win THIS one, but Denzel already beat Will in 2002 so it’s Will’s turn. Give it to them both, honestly!!

Best Supporting Actor: *Troy Kotsur, “CODA”*

Nominees:
Troy Kotsur, “CODA”
Kodi Smit-McPhee, “The Power of the Dog”
Ciaran Hinds, “Belfast”
Jesse Plemons, “The Power of the Dog”
J.K. Simmons, “Being the Ricardos”

→ Who I wish would win: GIVE IT TO TROY!!!

That’s all! I WILL be live-tweeting/Insta-storying all night Sunday night, starting at 8pm Eastern! Please join me because I will probably be polling for opinions. See you there??