America loves a training montage!!
Creed III, Poker Face, the Selena/Hailey "feud," King Charles drama, and Travis Kelce on SNL
Friends, it’s March. February, with all her sick mind games (weather), is behind us. Now we have a month of incredible TV and movies ahead of us! [Succession! Yellowjackets! Ted Lasso! Dungeons & Dragons, John Wick 4!]
For most of February, my sister and I were in Texas with our parents to form a unified front in my mom’s recent diagnosis. It’s been so difficult, but I’ve also felt the great fortune and privilege of having a family I love being with. I’ll write a bit more about Mom’s diagnosis soon for those of you who would like to know. It won’t be in your inbox, but I’ll link to it.
Anyhoo, I’ve been home for a week now and am back to the New York grind [aka going to separate stores for toilet paper, allergy meds, liquor, and food!]. This morning, Ben and I watched the first Formula 1 race of the season, and I told Ben that I’m pretty sure that if I had ever learnt, I would have been a great proficient at race-car driving. [Based purely on the fact that I often beat my cousins in Go-Karts.]
It reminded me of a fun question I heard on a podcast and one I shall pose to you all: What’s a super random or super niche thing you don’t do, but you think you’d be really good at if you did?[Landing a crashing plane? Hot dog-eating contests? Needlepoint?] We’d love to know! Leave a comment before you go!
Tonight, Hollywood continues its relentless march to the Oscars with the Independent Spirit Awards, and I am talking about Creed III and the fabulous Peacock comedy Poker Face. But first, a little catching up on the news.
In the News
The link above is a roundup of the dumb petty story that I refuse to go into because I will not cast these women against each other! But TLDR: The Internet is obsessed with a real or imagined “feud” between Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber because of their shared romantic link to Justin Bieber—yes, ladies, it is that scummy and lame.
I’m bored and annoyed at the very idea of two women fighting over a man, even if there’s truth to it, and honestly I blame the Kardashian-Jenners. I’m not taking sides, but I’ll just say that only one of the people involved has written over 50 pop bangers! and also that the show Only Murders in the Building didn’t Executive Produce ITSELF!
Last thing: I said I wouldn’t cast these women against each other, but if I literally cast them in Mean Girls, here’s how it would go down:
Selena Gomez = Janis (she is over it!!)
Kylie Jenner = Regina George (Mean Girl No. 1)
Kendall Jenner = Gretchen Wieners (Mean Girl No. 2)
Hailey Bieber = the blonde who uses her boobs to tell weather (A Mean Girl, but on accident??)
Justin Bieber = Cady Heron (Homeschooled)
(I’m SORRY for that, but am I wrong??)
🤠 Have you heard of the reality show “Farmer Wants a Wife”? Are you ready? You’re not ready.
My cousin, who lives in Houston, texted me the following:
I watched the “First Look” video, and when they said, “leading to over 400 babies,” I silently thanked God for allowing me to live in this great, preposterous clown house we call Earth. Fools errands wonders never cease!
🤴🏻 King Charles continues to Lady-Catherine-de-Bourgh his way through his early reign.
[To “de Bourgh” is a phrase I have just coined, and it means to be an embarrassing snob who constantly gets dunked on by anyone with a modicum of sense. Only the most groveling of grovelers put up with you.]
Adele, Harry Styles, and Elton John all declined to perform at his coronation. At this point, not even President BIDEN is willing to be seen there! Harsh! “King” Charles also allegedly evicted Prince Harry and Meghan from their UK home, Frogmore Cottage (which is a large mansion, not a cottage). Which, fine(?) I guess(?), but the real kicker is that he’s giving the keys to none other than accused sex criminal PRINCE ANDREW!??! I’m sorry, but who is giving this “king” advice, Gríma Wormtongue?!??
🥰 America’s Queen, Sally Field, is ushered by two handsome men (Austin Butler & Andrew Garfield) to claim her Lifetime Achievement Award. [←link is to Garfield’s touching speech in honor of her work]
A palate-cleanser!
Movie - Creed 3
Listen, I may hate boxing, but I love a training montage!! If I’m gonna sit through a movie where people beat each other’s faces into a bloody pulp, there BETTER F**KING BE A TRAINING MONTAGE. I especially love when there’s a guy driving behind them at 5mph, screaming motivational obscenities/insults through a megaphone. I could really aspire to that.
Anyhoo! Me, Ben, and Michael B. Jordan’s Number One Fan, Krupa, went to see Creed III at the biggest IMAX in North America, and I can confirm that each of MBJ’s abs was the size of a small car! (Though the real star in the visuals department was Tessa Thompson, dripping with style, serving face/skin/hair/fabrics in every frame. This costume department did 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 miss 👏🏼 .)
But who won the movie?
Michael B is obviously a winner in general with this delightful directorial debut. Not to be heretical, but it was completely fine without Rocky in it. It was just corny enough and just pretty enough and just meaningful enough to pull the weak parts off.
But I have to give the ultimate award to the other guy: Jonathan Majors.
Michael B Jordan is perhaps our greatest *Movie Star* right now. But Jonathan Majors is a capital-A *ACTORR.* This man can deliver a line. This man is giving ~theatre~. With a mere twitch of his eyebrow, this man spins tales of the original wound. This man is giving VILF [Villain I’d Like to…*Fight For*][…this is a family blog!]. This man has that silver-screen charisma you can taste through the pixels.
Michael B Jordan and Tessa Thompson are giving us “inspirational family drama on NBC.” Jonathan Majors is giving “outrageous, soul-crushing Shakespearean TRAGEDY.”
Anyhoo, congratulations to Michael B for his movie! It was a fun romp, and I cried three times.
TV - Poker Face
If you haven’t watched Orange is the New Black or Russian Doll, you might not be familiar with Natasha Lyonne. Time to get familiar! This 5’3” caffeinated beverage with the voice of an 80-year-old smoker is fantastic. She stars in Poker Face, a mystery-of-the-week series in the “howcatchem” vs. “whodunit” style, created by Rian Johnson [Knives Out] and produced by the likes of Maya Rudolph and other comedy royalty.
It’s great! Lyonne is hilarious and lovable, it’s not too gruesome, it’s got a real style, and the supporting cast rotation is stellar, including Adrien Brody, Hong Chau, Chloe Sevigny, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Saturday Night Live Highlights - Travis Kelce
I’m way behind on SNL and don’t feel at all interested in interacting with the whole “Woody Harrelson anti-vaxxer” conversation, but I did just finish watching the latest episode with Travis Kelce, Super Bowl-winning tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, and I was astonished and delighted by how good it — and he — was!
Country music star Kelsea Ballerini also absolutely slayed, reminding the world what I was reminded of when I spent all of February in Texas: Country 👏🏼 music 👏🏼 SLAPS 👏🏼 .
Highlights: (1) Travis Kelce’s Monologue, which was better than any NFL player has any right to be?? [I mean, being world-class skilled at more than one thing?? Stop it!!] (2) Straight Male Friend [my favorite] (3) American Girl Cafe (4) Please Don’t Destroy - Self-Defense (5) Solid Weekend Update including this bit about Punkie Johnson not knowing any celebrity names which slayed me.
Lowlights: The ending of this skit didn’t really convince me it wasn’t being kind of misogynist
You've convinced me to watch Poker Face. will be adding to my queue.
Not sure if this is in the spirit of the question you asked but...I think I'd be really good at writing fanfic. I read a ton of it, read a ton of writing -in general- and get very deeply into fandom culture/lore.
Gonna have to watch Poker Face!! Needing a good new show now that we JUST finished White Lotus. (I gotta go read up your review of that one!!)
My random thing I feel certain but have no proof I could rock: ACTING. Put me in Hollywood!!
This SLAAAYED me: “But Jonathan Majors is a capital-A *ACTORR.* This man can deliver a line. This man is giving ~theatre~. With a mere twitch of his eyebrow, this man spins tales of the original wound. This man is giving VILF [Villain I’d Like to…*Fight For*][…this is a family blog!]. This man has that silver-screen charisma you can taste through the pixels.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣 that writing!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥