Bennifer, Rothaniel, Your Most Embarrassing Instagram Likes, & The Beauty of Pachinko
What I'm Watching, Reading, & Listening To This Week
Before we get to the good stuff, I would be FOREVER GRATEFUL if you would take 3-5 minutes out of your day to fill out my survey about this newsletter!
I would love to get a general sense of what keeps you reading and what could be improved! It will be a HUGE help for me as I try to keep making this Substack better!
Well, friends, I have been recovering from the stomach bug for an eternity (three days) and have spent the entire time—much to the dismay of my far more sophisticated twin sister—streaming Bridgerton directly into my cardiovascular system!!!
Quick Review: Eight episodes in which everyone is hot as f*ck and truly nothing happens!! It was not good! But I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it! [Season 1 was better and it wasn’t just because of all the sex.] When you’re perishing of nausea and all you want to look at is the OPPOSITE of vomit, Bridgerton fits the bill. The amount of times I exclaimed, “The color palettes!!” was nearly 12 times per episode.
Fun Fact: Ben likes it as much or more than I do.
In the News
Did you know that you can now see the FIRST Instagram posts you EVER liked? The real question is: Are you EMOTIONALLY prepared for this?? Mine weren’t that embarrassing and honestly, that is the shock of the century. There wasn’t a single peep of chevron or anything! It’s mostly just photos of people I no longer speak to, but whose approval I was obsessed with at one point in my life. So actually I guess that is embarrassing.
Here’s how to do it: Go to Insta and tap your profile icon, then tap the three lines in the top right corner. Select “Your Activity” and then “Interactions” and then “Likes” and then “Sort & Filter” and then filter by “Oldest to Newest.” Voila!Please leave a comment about what kind of posts you were liking when Instagram first started. 😅
A Whole Section on Bennifer Because That’s Where We Are as a Society
Congratulations, Bennifer! Even though you both already own multi-million-dollar mansions in the greater LA area! [Ben’s was $19 million when he bought it and J Lo’s — never to be outdone by a man from her past, present, future, or in this case, all three — was $28 million.] Is this excess? Or 💖 R O M A N C E 💖 ? You decide!
The real Affleck news I care about, though, has to do with snails. 🐌
Apparently, SNAILS were a big plot point in his new movie Deep Water. [Co-starring Ana de Armas, who by the way is going to play Marilyn Monroe in an NC-17 rated Netflix movie — mark your calendars or hide your children, whatever your preference!] So, anyhoo, they had an actual SNAIL WRANGLER on set and, according to the wrangler, Ben Affleck is kind to snails! “He was exceptionally good with my animals,” said the Snail Wrangler. “We didn’t lose a single one.”
[Which makes one wonder what NORMALLY happens to snails on movie sets!? Is Hollywood “losing” snails left and right!?? Is there an underreported snail-pocalypse happening under our very noses!?]I’m sorry, but I can’t get off the snail thing yet!! 🐌
Apparently, since Deep Water is an erotic thriller, they wanted the snails to MATE on camera. You read that right, folks! Nothing gets people going like watching snails do it!! Anyhoo, à la the Snail Wrangler, apparently you can’t just MAKE a snail get in the mood, and sometimes it requires literal Divine Intervention. Let’s hear from this man again:
“Before each scene, I’d step off for a minute and I’d pray about it. And I’d say, ‘Look, Lord, these are your animals.’ I just kind of gave it up to Him and they performed better than I could have possibly predicted.”
GOD GAVE THEM HORNY SNAILS. OK, I’m done.
Saturday Night Live Highlights - Jerrod Carmichael & Jake Gyllenhaal
The first and most IMPORTANT thing I’m going to say here is that you should RUN NOT WALK to watch Jerrod Carmichael’s new comedy special on HBO Max: Rothaniel.
Rothaniel was directed by Bo Burnham [whose comedy special Inside was one of the best and most emotionally devastating things I watched all pandemic] and it has the same dark, raw, emotionally vulnerable comedy that Burnham specializes in. Be prepared that when you go into Rothaniel, you will laugh, but you will also cry and wish you could make things right with your estranged parents. [And I don’t even HAVE estranged parents!]
Highlights for Jerrod Carmichael Episode: (1) The Monologue, in which he discusses “The Slap” without actually discussing it, (2) Post-Covid Game Show would’ve been more original a year ago, but still, (3) Cecily as Senator Marsha Blackburn trying to define a woman, (4) Baby Clothes, because I always like when they skewer those of us on the Left, too, and (5) Short Ass Movie.*
*This Pete Davidson video led to Netflix creating an entirely new category called “Short Ass Movies.”
The next episode was the Jake Gyllenhaal one and all I have to say is that it was NOT good, but Jake Gyllenhall WAS. I’m back on the Gyllenhaal train even though I do love Taylor Swift. He wore a T-shirt with his nieces’ names on it! Emotional manipulation works for me! Also one time I bumped into him in a Duane Reade pharmacy and he apologized! [true story]
Highlights for the Jake Gyllenhall Episode: (1) Monologue—but, back to me being easily manipulated, singing Celine Dion is all it takes to get five stars in my review, (2) “Why’d You Like It” Game Show. That’s it! It was bad!
Movies
I HAVEN’T WATCHED ANY MOVIES BECAUSE I WAS THROWING UP LAST SUNDAY AND THE THEATERS SAID STAY HOME.
But I’m very excited to get back out there and watch Sandra and Channing in The Lost City (which one of this blog’s favorite readers, Kmac, went to see more than once!!) and gorgeous-gorgeous-perfect Michelle Yeoh in Everything Everywhere All At Once.
I also hear The Outfit is a fun time if you like spy thrillers, and it’s available to stream!
TV - Pachinko on AppleTV+
As I mentioned, I’ve been mainlining Bridgerton Season 2 this week. I haven’t started Atlanta Season 3 yet, but that’s an actual good show if you’re into that kind of thing! During my convalescence I ALSO finished:
Single
DrunkFemale. FIVE STARS. It’s about a 30-year-old(ish) woman in addiction recovery and it’s joyful, dark, quirky, and heart-warming all at once. Lots of sex and drugs talk, so not for the whole family.Starstruck Season 2. Season 1 was GREAT! Highly recommend! It’s a modern rom-com about what it would actually be like if a movie star fell in love with you. [Spoiler: messy!] Season 2 was…fine. I was annoyed with the characters the entire time and pretty bored honestly.
But the show that’s making my HEADLINE here is the absolute POEM that is Pachinko. It’s gorgeous, stunning—lots of cellos—a beautiful epic story of a family struggling and loving and living and dying over several generations.
Imagine if East of Eden was a TV series, but instead of following an American pioneer family, it followed a 20th-century Korean family through Japanese occupation, migration, and the golden age of American real estate. And the children were cuter and the family loved each other more. A lot more. [That family in East of Eden were real shits to each other.]
If you’re looking for a beautiful, well-acted, sweeping drama, this is for you.
Listening - Heardle
Enjoying the Wordle? Well, have you tried the HEARDLE???
Listen to clips of songs and see how fast you can guess them! Ben got a Lizzo song in less than one second! I failed to get the most recognizable Dua Lipa song in all six tries! If you are anything like me, it will make you feel SO DUMB. Enjoy!
[Thanks, Melanie!]
Reading
List of Common Misconceptions — Wikipedia
Some Neurons in Your Brain Respond to Singing but Not Other Music — Smithsonian
Feeling Herd — The Atlantic (this is about cow therapy and cow puns abound!)
I’m Timothée Chalamet, And This Was Supposed To Be My Controversial Oscars Night — McSweeney’s
My very first Instagram like was on Stanton Martin’s picture of a bake he’d just completed, and I feel very good about that. My second was a picture you posted of your time at Oxford. So yeah. Pretty pleased with my early interactions. 😏
One of my first five Instagram likes is a post you made and that's all I can to say. Haha