Happy First Birthday to Hannah's Weekly!
FBOY Island, Below Deck, BATHHOUSE in Brookly, and yes this Blog is a year old! Who even are we anymore???
It’s Beyoncé week, so all else shall drown in the noise of these insane dance beats, but I just have to add….
It’s this Blog’s birthday, y’all!! “Can you belive it’s been a year already,” I say, batting my eyelashes and waiting for you to say: “Honey, you haven’t aged a DAY!”
Thank you for being here! I love this community! I wish I could send you all a Lillet on ice with a frozen orange slice just like Emma taught me.
If you missed it, we had an extra post last week for movie reviews, where I talked about my thoughts on both The Gray Man and NOPE. Let me know YOUR thoughts.
Speaking of celebrations, it is also:
Harry Potter’s birthday (happee birthdae to all who celebrate)
My actual marriage anniversary of the day I wedded Mr. Benjamin Cuyugan Wagner.
Even though we forgot it was our anniversary (as we are wont to do), apropos of nothing, we HAD already planned to try out the Brooklyn BATHHOUSE this weekend! So we slapped a “Happy Anniversary” sticker on it and called it a day!
Some of you said in the survey that it would be fun to hear more NYC-related recommendations. So here we go! (And then we’ll get to the TV.)
BATHHOUSE in Williamsburg
Note, dear Reader, it is not a bath house, it is ~*~BATHHOUSE~*~.
Honestly, worth the trip! Three separate pools, two saunas, a steam room, and treatment rooms, plus a lovely restaurant attached where you can go take a break or end your day. They even have robes inside the restaurant door so you can stay in your swimsuit! [If you want! I did not! One man brought his own kimono and literally lounged like an ancient Roman while he sipped an Aperol Spritz! Honestly, iconic!]
If you want to try out what influencers mean when they say “wellness” — aka spa day but make it ✨fashion✨ — this is fun. Definitely a “thing”! I recommend going with your girlfriends [gender neutral] for a Treat Yo Self day.
The two saunas are supposedly different, but I could not tell you the difference if my life depended on it. Ben said in one, “This sauna is drier,” but Reader, they felt the same to me, aka “so hot you can’t breathe through your nose”!
Pros:
Beautiful and clean
Goodbye muscle pain for the next 24 hours!
Food & drinks! We ordered about seven dishes and they were all delicious.
Vibes
Cons:
It’s a little small, so it gets crowded. But did I let that stop me from Zenning out?? Absolutely not! Just because some horizontally intertwined couple is hogging space on the warm marble lounging area doesn’t mean I didn’t lay my little towel down in the far corner and take a nap with my ankles scrunched up to my ass, praying I wouldn’t hear a single kissing sound!!!
The main server at the restaurant looks like if Zooey Deschanel was a rocker chick and calls everyone “Babe.” This was both a pro and a con.
IN THE NEWS
Gwyneth Paltrow wants Hailey Bieber to know that she emphatically did NOT f*** Hailey’s dad in a bathroom! Good! Also, I didn’t know this series existed until just now, but why are they making smoothies in the bathroom? Have rich people really forgotten how to do EVERYTHING???
[Also, Pottery Barn refurbished Hailey Bieber’s bathroom??? What a glow-up for the PB.]
Olivia Rodrigo is apparently one of those people who puts her books on the shelf backwards. When will we cease this MADNESS!??
Shakira is in trouble for tax fraud and I refuse to believe she did it, but here’s some funny reactions:
WATCHING - REALITY TV
I know, WHO AM I!??!?! Normally my inability to endure secondhand embarrassment — plus my last vestiges of liberal-arts snobbery — keeps me from being able to watch reality TV!
I feel unbearably uncomfortable AND bored at the same time! [Plus I’m a prude sometimes.]
But guys. I’m currently VERY INTO two separate reality TV shows. They are…
FBOY Island on HBO
Thanks, Melanie! [Who still can’t “figure out her Substack password.”]
Okay, yes, this is trashy as hell. Yes, the body image/dieting culture vibes are PROBLEMATIC. Yes, the dating stereotype binary is YUCK. Yes, I’ve only watched five episodes of Season 1 so far, and they’re on Season 2. But damn if the premise is working for me?!??!?!
It’s a chess match where one team is three Queens in bodycon dresses with copious underboob, and the other team is extremely beefed-up Pawns who have jobs like “Bitcoin Investor” and “Fridge Deliverer” and who all insist they’re in it for the “right reasons” (whatever those are!??), but probably just want $100,000 because honestly so would I!
It’s more game-ified than other dating shows — like The Bachelor meets Survivor. Forget love! Outwit! Outplay! Outlast! I’m constantly yelling at the screen, “GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, SARAH, NO ONE CARES HOW YOU FEEL!!!!!!!!”
Below Deck on Bravo or Hulu
Okay, I might decide I hate FBOY Island, but I love Below Deck, thanks to Nat, Laura, and Emma. This is the only reality show other than Selling Sunset that I’ve stuck with past a few episodes.
This show has everything: ocean vistas, million-dollar yachts, upstairs-downstairs class politics, boating terminology, and of course, relationship drama. It’s basically like a soapy documentary about what it’s like to work on a super-yacht!
Who doesn’t want to learn about yachting culture?! If nothing else, you will be astonished by how much these bajillionaires love a tacky dining table centerpiece! Five Stars!
A new season of Below Deck Mediterranean is out now.
READING
Not to bring the vibes down — or maybe to bring balance to the vibes? — I have a couple of recommendations about homelessness.
Since I spent eight years of my life working for The Bowery Mission, it is an issue near and dear to my heart. It’s also vastly misunderstood. So I have two recommendations for you:
Why Thousands of People Are Left Out of New York City’s Daily Homeless Census - The New Yorker — you’ll learn a lot about the state of homelessness in the city, as well as misconceptions we all have.
Neighbors with No Doors - by Josiah Haken. I’ve worked with Josiah, and I respect his opinion on this topic more than almost anyone else. He thinks differently in ways that challenge me. He just released a book. Check it out!
Honey, you haven’t aged a DAY!
Um, Melanie, substack allows you to click a button through your email to sign in instead of remembering your pw so what gives.
I'm at a no-reality show point in my life but I know I'll return to it when the time is right. And when that time comes I will remember these recs.
Neighbors with No Doors looks excellent, I'm definitely going to check it out. I've gotten to know a lot of people experiencing homelessness working at the public library and they are dear to my heart too.
I don’t live in New York and I loved EVERY MINUTE of that review. 😂😂😍
Would I like either of these reality shows if the only reality show I’ve stuck with past a few episodes is Survivor? LOL I think I just answered my own question. Definitely going to need you to give your follow-up review once your finish season one of FBoy Island. 🤣🤣