I watched Taylor Swift's Boyfriend's Show So You Don't Have To

What I'm Watching, Reading, & Listening to This Week

cursed vibes (but also I binged six episodes this weekend??)

Before I get to Taylor Swifts’ “I guess he must be hot in person” boyfriend, I want to talk about TV and nostalgia.

Readers will recall that, as a homeschooler, I was blissfully sheltered from cultural events that are now widely considered problematic. [“Who knew back then??” the pundits are wont to say, wringing their hands. My mom knew! That’s who!]

So, when The O.C. came out in 2003, I was 15 years old and blissfully living out my Lord of the Rings + Masterpiece Theatre Era.

For Ben, however, bad boy that he was [ie: he went to public school and wore puka shell necklaces], The O.C. was a formative adolescent experience! So, when we casually flicked by it on HBO Max the other day, it felt like destiny. There’s no intimacy like sharing your favorite childhood show with your life partner, right???

So this week, I want to know: What’s a show or cultural event that was formative for you in your childhood or teens? Music? Movie? Celebrity moment? Whether you were a Masterpiece Theatre baby like me or were actually cool, all are welcome here!

[I also list Alias in my formative TV because—thanks to the five Wroblewski sisters who were our best friends, and also probably a general sense that despite all the super-spy lingerie, Jennifer Garner is “a good one”—we were allowed to watch that.]

In the News: Why I’m Not Talking Publicly About the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard Trial But You Can DM Me About It Any Time

[Also some wise-ass in my DMs is going to point out that I am, in fact, talking about it right now. But for the record, THIS DOESN’T COUNT.]

Several people have asked if I’m following this trial. The answer is, kind of? And listen, I love nothing more than spending too much 💰 on brunch and gossiping with my friends, usually about our lightly problematic alma mater. But I try to keep the dicey gossip OFFLINE. So, in my endeavor to become a pop culture commentary ✨icon✨, I’ve made a personal vow to try not to capitalize on other people’s [serious] private personal lives via this Newsletter.

For example, Kendall Jenner having no clue how to cut a cucumber? Or Heather from Selling Sunset not being able to finish a sentence without saying the word “fiancé”? Fair game! They put that ON TV for MONEY. But a real-life trial between former spouses about alleged abuse that has obviously destroyed lives? That’s for brunch ONLY.

So all I’ll say is WOW this trial is a DOOOZY.

[Also, notably, some influencers seem to have much better intentions in covering this story than others, and—okay you got me—by “others” I do mean Mr. Lance Bass.]

Saturday Night Live Highlights — The Finale

I’m not crying, you’re crying!

First of all, the BIG NEWS: SNL is saying goodbye to Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, Kyle Mooney, and — yes — Pete Davidson-Kardashian.

Inviting your opinions: Is my friend Asa correct that Kris Jenner is dead-set on becoming Pete’s manager, giving us cause for concern since the one other male she manages is, how do you say, not doing great??

[For the record, Asa and I decided Pete is grounded enough and will eventually move on, and this Blog continues to be a very pro-Pete and anti-Kardashian space, but you really can’t count on anything in this life.]

Without further ado, here are my highlights from the Selena Gomez episode and the Season Finale.

Selena Gomez Episode

Selena Gomez: Someone I want to love, but do not fully get her appeal. [Except for “Come & Get It” & “Ice Cream.”] Overall, this episode was hot garbahgz but two skits made the highlights.

• Highlights: (1) “Johnny Depp and Amber Heard ‘Cuckoo’ Trial Cold Open” (2) “Old Enough! Longterm Boyfriends!” Maybe this is offensive, but Reader, I was laughing my a*s off!!! Perhaps I even laughed TOO heartily!

Season 47 Finale

The finale was a MESS, which is typical because everyone is exhausted and saying goodbye and they’re all a lot looser and just kind of having fun with it. (Finales also tend to bring back cast favorites, which means characters they love doing but not necessarily the popular skits??)

That said, I did have some highlights, most of which were skits written as farewells to each of the people leaving. I AM GOING TO MISS AIDY AND KATE SO MUCH.

• The Farewells: (1) The Cold Open brought back one of Kate McKinnon’s best characters [the funniest is still the original with Ryan Gosling], (2) Trend Forecasters is a bizarre sketch but Bowen and Aidy are SO hilarious together and this was also Aidy’s farewell, (3) Pete’s Weekend Update Farewell AND his cut-for-time spoof of “Forgot About Dre” in which *spoiler alert* Eminem shows up, (4) Grey Adult Pigtails, which I guess was Kyle’s farewell and was also actually pretty funny?

Maybe Don’t Watch: Conversations With Friends on Hulu

These two people are desperately dull but one of them turns out to be hot if you let him cook for a little while.

[Written at 8:30pm Thursday, May 19th]:

Reader, it pains me to say this. But Taylor Swifts’ husband boyfriend* is just not doing it for me!

• Pros: Very sexy voice. Very gentle demeanor.

• Cons: Dangerously close to having a neckbeard. Mullet is not quite right.

Conclusion: Joe Alwyn does not appear to be hot enough to be married to engaged to dating* Taylor Swift, OR to play Nick Conway, who should look like a Hemsworth, or at least like he goes to the gym on a regular basis.

*[You cannot convince me they’re not married!! Swifties have the receipts!!!]

[Written at 2:00pm Sunday, May 22nd]:

Reader, as of this writing, I have now concluded I was wrong about Mr. Joseph Taylor Swift Alwyn.

I watched the Croatia episode and with just a light dusting of a tan, we’re talking about a totally different man!! Neckbeard, gone! Mullet, tousled! I now understand why Taylor called him “gorgeous” and a “magnetic force,” believes creepily that everyone who sees him wants him, and even concluded that God, she loves the English(!) — all on account of this conventionally pale blonde man!

HOW👏🏼EV👏🏼ER👏🏼. Despite Joe’s glow-up, I found the show to be generally lacking everything that made the book good. The ingredients were all there—inferiority complexes, intellectual elitism, Dublin scenery, steamy s*x—but the searing emotional depth and the agony of ultimate questions in the book were just kind of…missing. The sexual tension was there but not really any other emotion.

I could not have said it better than this TikTok:

@waitliz#conversationswithfriends #sallyrooney #cwf #joealwyn #normalpeople

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[PLEASE NOTE: The central story here is an affair and the book is intentionally morally ambiguous about it. For me, that’s what gives it power to make you reflect on yourself as a human being and how you’re garbage sometimes. But if affair stories aren’t your thing, yet another reason to skip this!]

Listening — THREE NEW ALBUMS, THE LORD HATH BLESSED HIS PEOPLE!!!!!

Harry pulling off an outfit I could NEVER, while living my childhood dream of walking on the ceiling. (I mean, I would wear those pants, but how is he pulling off wide-leg jeans with a BABY’S BAPTISM DRESS as a shirt???)

Two of my FAVORITE ALL-TIME artists, and one whom I very much love, dropped new albums this past week! [Can you guess which is which??]

• Harry Styles: Harry’s House — Serving up your chill summer vibes personified! He brings the pop to the cinema and yes he DOES mean something else when he says “pop”!

• Kendrick Lamar: Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers — OK so it’s a bit more uneven than his past albums, but since he won a LITERAL PULITZER for one of those, that’s not exactly a diss?? [This album also features the most stressful five minutes and forty-two seconds of music ever in the song “We Cry Together.”]

• Florence + the Machine: Dance Fever — To quote someone on Twitter: “When I say I am a woman I mean whatever Florence Welch is talking about in her songs.” I know that’s right!

If anyone is a fan of Kendrick or not a fan yet but you want to understand his genius and cultural impact, I highly highly HIGHLY recommend the podcast Dissect. They break down some of the best albums of our time, including Beyoncé’s Lemonade, Kanye’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and most of Kendrick’s work.

➡️ I recommend starting with Season 1, which is about my favorite Kendrick album To Pimp a Butterfly. It’s a very analytical dive into the music, lyrics, and background, so if you’re into educational podcasts [aka a NERD], you’ll love it like I did.

That’s it for this week folks! I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions on all of the above! Much love xoxo.