When Was the Last Time You Ugly-Cried in a Movie?
Golden Globes Recap, plus: All of Us Strangers, The Iron Claw & The Holdovers
The Golden Globes happened! Also, we’re covering two sad movies this week: The Iron Claw and All of Us Strangers. And one happy movie: The Holdovers! And one movie I didn’t like: The new Hunger Games. It’s 2024 and we’re doing a lot, folks!
Greetings, friends! I come to you in the Week of That Jeremy Allen White Calvin Klein ad! IYKYK!!! We’ll be talking about Jeremy’s turn in The Iron Claw later. But first, I need a minute to talk about how annoyed I was with that new Hunger Games movie! You’ve gotta be kidding me with that movie!! It was really good for almost two hours, and then the Hunger Games part ended and suddenly we were in a rockabilly rom-com that morphed into The Place Beyond the Pines!?? No thank you!
The Hunger Games movie is a perfect example of when a project is less than the sum of its parts. Acting: Good! Music: Good! Sets: Good! Story: Good! And yet, when they put it all together, they made a big ol’ hot mess. I mean, again, mostly it’s that they tried to do too much in one film. It’s like when Rachel Green makes the trifle but mixes the recipe up with a shepherd’s pie. Great recipes separately, terrible mix. [Of course, some of you might be like Joey: “Custard? Good! Jam? Good! Meat? Gooooooood.”]
Anyhoo. Maybe I should’ve read the book. It seemed like a good story if it hadn’t been so stupid and long. [Oh, and I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t get over Rachel Zegler’s ATROCIOUS attempt at being Dolly Parton 2.0?? Anyhoo.] Did you watch it? What did you think?
Let’s move on! Golden Globes recap next, then the three movies I watched this week, two of which are making people ugly-cry in theaters across the nation!
Scroll down past the Golden Globes section to see my question for the week. :)
The Golden Globes Were Last Night
Awards season is here!! The Golden Globes kicked off the 2024 awards circuit and gave us a first clue at which projects are the ones to beat at the upcoming Emmys (Jan 15) and Oscars (March 10). The Globes are kind of the ugly stepchild of awards season because they have a problematic history [DON’T WE ALL]. But I’d be lying if I said they aren’t *usually* my favorite awards show — thanks to the fact they’re more relaxed because everyone is, to put it delicately, DRUNK.
Last night’s Globes were pretty tame in comparison to some years! But here are some of the highlights and lowlights:
The host was comedian Jo Koy, who is now trending on Twitter for all the wrong reasons. He was asked to host only 10 days prior to the gig, which is not a recipe for success, and he did not succeed! Normally, I find Koy funny. Last night, he made me want to curl up and die. His jokes weren’t funny or original. For example, one joke that’s making the rounds today was, “The big difference between the Golden Globes and the NFL is that on the Golden Globes, we have fewer camera shots of Taylor Swift.” Which would’ve been funny about four months ago when we hadn’t heard it a million times? You can tell he KNOWS it’s dumb. Also, Taylor did not look entertained. The way you really know it went off the rails is that he resorted to just constantly saying he hadn’t written all the jokes himself. Like, buddy. I’m no awards presenter, but even I know that you gotta take responsibility for what you do! Those are the rules of grownup jobs!
Ayo Edebiri won for her role in The Bear — and also Jeremy Allen White won for his! The Bear is in my Must-See’s from 2023!
Sarah Snook, Matthew Macfadyen, AND Kieran Culkin won for their roles in Succession, a personal fave from 2023. Kieran’s speech was hilarious, as always.
Selena Gomez gossiped in Taylor Swift’s ear, after which
investigative journalistsinternet people suggested that she was saying she had asked to get a photo with Timothee Chalamet, but Timothee’s new girlfriend — Kylie Jenner — said no. GASP!!! Now Selena’s people are saying that’s NOT what she said, but like, LET US HAVE THIS!!!?Oppenheimer is the movie to beat going forward. It won the most awards of the night with five Globes, including Best Director, Best Drama, and Best Actor in a Drama. The question is, did it peak too early? Will Poor Things, or Killers of the Flower Moon, or someone else get a surge before the Oscars? Methinks no, but maybe!
I was mad that Robert Downey Jr. won the Supporting Actor award over Charles Melton. I
famouslythink RDJ was a bit superfluous in Oppenheimer. Whereas Charles Melton made me sob real sobs on an airplane in May December.Barbie didn’t win as much as some of us thought it might, which could be a bad sign for its future in other awards, or could mean nothing. It won best song [which is really an award for Billie Eilish] and the new category basically just awarding big Box Office successes. Should they be worried? [I’ve been open that I don’t think Barbie is a perfect movie.]
BEEF won for the two acting categories and DESERVED. It took years off my life from all the stress and despair, but it was SO GOOD.
The Holdovers also got big acting wins, and I reviewed it below!
I can’t think of any more! Feel free to DM me your Globes questions like my friend Katie did, which makes my life!
Two of the Saddest Movies + One That Was the Perfect Palate Cleanser (and only a tiny bit sad)
In this section, we’re discussing three of the best movies of 2023, all of which came out in the final days of the year. Two of those three were so f****** sad that Ben refused to see the second one with me because he says January is hard enough as it is.
On that note, let’s talk for a sec about ugly-crying in movies:
All friendships have their oral histories. The shared memories that become inside jokes and acquire an aura of legend over time. One of those in my life was the time that [Name Redacted] cried so hard in that Keira Knightly/Carey Mulligan/Andrew Garfield movie Never Let Me Go that we had to do breathing exercises to calm her down. Not funny then; VERY funny now!!
Well, I got a text from her last week saying:
“Just saw All of Us Strangers. It was another Never Let Me Go situation.”
😳
So naturally I bought my ticket that very day!
You know I’ve gotta ask before we dive in: What’s the saddest movie(s) you’ve ever seen? For the record, I still think the hardest I’ve ever cried in a movie was in The Fox and the Hound. That movie is a sadistic hellscape that children should never be allowed to see.
Sad Movie #1: The Iron Claw (But it’s also hopeful!)
This might be the closest Zac Efron gets to getting his Oscar, so I say we all just agree to give it to him. I saw Charlie St. Cloud five times and he DESERVES IT!!!
[Bad start: The Iron Claw was snubbed in the Golden Globes nominations!]
Jeremy Allen White, Lily James, and the model boy from Triangle of Sadness all help round out a stellar cast in a film that’s simultaneously a sweet brotherly hug and a deadly punch to the gut. When the lights went up for the credits, Ben turned to me and whisper-yelled, “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME IT WAS SO SAD.”
No spoilers, but you’ve been warned. Despite the sadness, though, it ends on a hopeful note! I’m not a sadist! You don’t leave the theater feeling despair at all.
My main criticism, though, is just that the characters are a little bit too one-note. Jeremy Allen White brings the intensity we know him for, but the role doesn’t give him a whole lot to work with. His character is kind of two-dimensional, as are many others.
You could argue, though, that the way each character is more a stereotype than a real person — the brooding/tortured one, the charming/chatty one, the maternal/quiet one, the artistic one — really works. Each character is a separate, angled plane in the prism of the story, which feels almost like a legend more than a true story [even though it IS true]. In short: A Greek tragedy set in 1980s Texas.
Sad Movie #2: All of Us Strangers (It is devastating!! You will not recover!!)
You can really tell when you’re watching a film chock-full of actors who have performed in the London Theater. With the mere twitch of an eyebrow, these people can make you feel absolutely any feeling they want you to.
And, in the case of All of Us Strangers, that feeling is: Terrible. Or, more precisely: Very, very sad.
All of Us Strangers made me feel sorrowful, in love, heartbroken, melancholy, embraced, safe, warm, afraid, hot-and-bothered, and above all desperately, desperately lonely. Which, to argue for this film, is what most of the great novels are about.
The movie, based on a novel, is about a man — played by Andrew Scott, a.k.a. Hot Priest from Fleabag/Moriarty from Sherlock/brilliant stage actor — living alone in London and grappling with the death of his parents, which happened when he was a kid. At the same time, he’s falling in love [and having VERY sexy sex] with the only other person who lives in his building, played by the brilliant Paul Mescal. At the risk of spoiling a little thing that happens early on [which you get from the trailer], the primary conceit of the story is that he meets with his parents “in person,” played magnificently by Claire Foy and Jamie Bell.
It’s about finding a way to cope with tragic loss by reimagining what could have been. If we could’ve had that conversation, felt their embrace, asked that question, or, in his case, come out to them and have them accept who we are. How might they perceive us now? Would they be proud? Would their love extend to who we became, who we always were? Are we to be forever strangers to one another — or can we somehow bridge the impossible gap?
It’s kind of a crazy concept to ask the audience to accept, a ghost story like this, but the performances lift it out of just feeling maudlin.
That is, right up until the last 10 minutes, when it totally lost me and just pissed me off. In MY opinion, it was forced at best and a bad cliche at worst. But, as I got past my rage over how it all ended, I realized the ending may not matter as much as how the whole thing made you feel. [Which, again, is “terrible.” But in a stunning, literary, aching way?]
It wasn’t my favorite. But the performances were some of the best I’ve seen in years. They’ll stay with me.
Content Warning: There is a good deal of very explicit sex. If that’s not your thing, this may not be your thing. Or, wait till you can fast-forward!
Palate Cleanser/Not-Sad Movie: The Holdovers
I finally saw it, and all I have to say is that it’s on Peacock for free, and you should watch it! Watch it with your mom! Watch it with your grandma! Watch it with your kids who are old enough to hear F-words and lots of references about busting one’s balls!
This is just a sweet delight from start to finish. A heartwarming movie that doesn’t get cloying or cliche, simply because it’s so well-written and well-acted. Is it somewhat formulaic? Yes. But within that structure of familiar stories and character types [a grumpy professor with impossible standards; a lost, bratty kid; a funny, nurturing cook], it sings, it makes beauty, it makes you feel happy and warm, it makes you love the flawed, vulnerable people that we all are. It also manages to get outside the stereotypes pretty well.
Some things are less than the sum of their parts. [Hunger Games, I’m looking at you!!!] This one was more.
Whew. Just drove home after being devastated by All of Us Strangers. I gotta agree with you on the end... Why?
But incredible acting that felt so real. Next week is Andrew Scott in the one man play Vanya. He's so good.
I have some time to myself this afternoon and solely based on this review, I am going to watch All of Us Strangers. Because I can’t resist a literary sad movie. Will have to let you know how it goes!