Where I've Been + All The News I Missed
Stay tuned for a movie preview tomorrow!
Friends, Romans, US Men’s National Team!!!
[I wrote that sentence on Saturday morning with the highest of hopes, but in ~97 minutes, the Netherlands dashed those hopes. South Korea, you’re all I got now, baby!]
I’m back! I know you have been doing nothing for three weeks but eagerly refreshing your inboxes, wondering, “Where is my favorite newsletter???” [I’m joking! This is probably the first time you’re hearing that I didn’t post for three weeks!]
I was having a yummy, delicious, decadent, long Thanksgiving with my family, showing nephews and niece around NYC for the first time [aka spending hours at the Lego Store, which turns out is, in fact, quite a thrill!], and making enough pies for everyone to have two of their own!
Now I’m in Philadelphia, writing from an AirBNB after a night going to see Matt Rogers’ live musical comedy special, “Have You Heard of Christmas”? It exceeded ALL my expectations — and while live shows don’t even have a “skip” option, the best way I can describe it is “ZERO SKIPS!!!! HILARIOUS!!!” If you are okay with ***highly irreverent and sexual content,*** I absolutely recommend watching it on Showtime, where it just dropped this week.
Okay, so. Full disclosure, I wrote approximately 3,000 words for this post before deciding I needed to break it into two because 3,000 is just too long, and honestly, that’s embarrassing!
So today, we’re gonna stick with catching up on entertainment news I care about — and tomorrow, look for a December Movie Preview to hit your inboxes! So many movies! So few open calendar slots left in December!!
In the News
The FIFA Men’s World Cup is happening!
One time when I was around 18 years old, my dad said, “I can’t really figure out your type. The boys you like are such opposites.” Well, I’ll tell you my type: It’s SOCCER BOYS!! [Including my favorite exhibit of the type: Benjamin Wagner.]
However, this particular World Cup is enveloped in controversy. If you want to learn about it in a quick 24 minutes, here’s John Oliver. If you want a four-hour fantastic deep dive, check out Netflix’s new docuseries FIFA Uncovered.
I told myself I would not watch this World Cup — in protest of the human rights debacle it was and is — and yet here we are!! And here I am, coming to you with my hypocrisy and my once-every-two-years-obsession-with-soccer in my hands, asking you to cheer on the soccer boys with me!
I finally had a TikTok go viral!
[Technically, I had another one go a tiny bit viral, but it was just a clip of John Oliver thirsting for JungKook, and the BTS hive A.R.M.Y. found it.]
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On Friday, we went to see Laura play the Chelsea Symphony’s Christmas Concert [because she is LEGIT], and they had a raffle for the chance to “conduct” Sleigh Ride. The winner, Tim, was the best-case scenario for all of us, and you can see why! Today, he found me in my Instagram DMs, and I was able to send him the full video — lovely chap!
Greta Gerwig is being considered to direct two new Narnia movies!
If she can do for C. S. Lewis what she did for Louisa May Alcott, give her all the money!! I’ll be starting a change.org petition for Timothée Chalamet as Mr. Tumnus — who’s with me?!
Andrew Garfield’s Search for the Sublime
Since this is a generally pro-Andrew Garfield crowd, did you see his very PG-13 GQ shirtless thirst-trap desert shoot excellent GQ Men of the Year interview?
Speaking of the GQ Men of the Year, here is Jeremy Allen White, the Working Woman’s Timothée Chalamet
That’s all! If you haven’t yet watched The Bear, why not???
According to the US Trademarks agency, Mariah Carey is NOT the one and only Queen of Christmas!
Ms. Carey tried to trademark “Queen of Christmas” — meaning no one else would be able to use it — leading Darlene Love herself to leave her spangled dressing room and say NOT 👏🏼 TODAY 👏🏼 HUNNY 👏🏼!!
[Along with another artist named Elizabeth Chan, who calls herself the Queen of Christmas and her daughter the Princess of Christmas! Normal stuff!]
For what it’s worth, Dolly Parton, who has one of the most underrated Christmas songs of all time, is fine with Mariah being Queen.
Harry & Meghan have a documentary coming out… sometime soon?
You KNOW there is panic at the palace over THIS!
I am somewhat Harry & Meghan agnostic because they’re a little annoying, but I AM on their side in this whole Them vs. The Firm thing! She was silenced!!!!!! He cares about mental health!!!! Everybody leave them alone!
Meanwhile, Prince William & Kate were in America’s Worst City, Boston, for the Earthshot Prize, whilst William’s godmother was in London exhibiting racism. As another writer has said…this family!
In the trailer, they say, “Who better to tell our story than us?” And I say maybe a real documentarian, but it’s whatever!
The Disney Bobs are Bobbing!
Disney fired its CEO Bob Chapek [who looks like a conspiracy theory podcaster who fat-shames women] and brought back its old CEO Bob Iger [who looks like he says “Jiminy Crickets!” when he stubs his toe].
Iger presided over Disney’s acquisition of Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars and launched Disney+, while the now-ousted Chapek mostly succeeded in getting sued by ScarJo, alienating the queer community who also happen to be a massive swath of the Disney fanbase, and being generally unlikeable. Good for Disney, I guess!
Pete Davidson is dating Emily Ratatatata
— [I’m sorry, she deserves her name to be spelled right, but I can’t find the energy, and I know it’s toxic of me]
— continuing his tour of Women Who Look Like Jasmine Barbie, and waiting for the day when he settles down with his one true love, John Mulaney.
I went on one vacation, and Balenciaga became Public Enemy No. 1???
Long story short, a roomful of idiots thought it would be cool/cutting edge to photograph a toddler in a s*x harness?? Literally, no one in that room [including the child’s PARENTS] had the thought occur to them, “Is this maybe F*%&ED up??”??
It reminds me of that “fashion suicide” scene in 13 Going on 30 but a thousand times worse.
It was also fuel to that specific conspiracy of QAnon that thinks all celebrities are pedophiles drinking the blood of children. So that’s all great, we’re doing great, guys.
Balenciaga “apologized” by aiming the blame at every person within a five-mile radius, while their main celebrity spokesperson, Kim Kardashian, said she would have to “wait and see” if she would break up with the brand, which basically just means she’s “waiting to see” which way public opinion goes. Very brave, Kim.
Speaking of apologies, Will Smith is still on his apology tour while promoting his new movie, Emancipation.
Maybe let’s leave him alone now?
It’s not really my place to say anything about this, but can we all just agree he doesn’t have to apologize for this anymore? Can we all be done?
The Men Of Hollywood have done so much worse than The Slap, and I don’t see a SINGLE ONE OF THEM offering so much as a “whoopsie, my bad!”????
Keke Palmer announced her pregnancy during her SNL monologue!
A historic first for the SNL stage! I have not fact-checked that!
As I have discussed at length, this Blog is nothing if not a Keke Palmer stan account. While we’re at it, here are a couple other of my Keke faves:
(1) Keke Palmer doing her Angela Bassett impression FOR Angela Bassett, (2) Keke Palmer launching “sorry to this man” across the internet, (3) Keke Palmer calling out plastic surgeons for not fixing cystic acne, (4) Keke Palmer telling you “Don’t Give Up.”
And finally, here’s a cute story about Dwane The Rock Johnson buying all the Snickers at a store he used to shoplift from as a kid.
And then leaving a whole bunch of free Snickers for people who might want a Snickers but not have the money to spend on it!
Sure, it’s a PR stunt, but it’s also sweet! Pun intended!
That TikTok is god-tier. Love it.
Also, Keke Palmer is the BEST. I am biased because she hosted Password and was incredibly nice to me and the other contestants!