Out with Ye Olde and in with Ye New
A new ̶ ̶K̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶ Bridgerton coronated, a fun sisterhood movie, and Amazon's $300M dud
Greetings, Fellow Royals!
We’ll get to Bridgerton and the British Royals momentarily, but honestly, if you could open a little door in my brain right now, all you would find is a permanent loop of little Timotay Chalamet lassoing the desert butthole sandworm in the Dune: Part Two trailer. THAT, to me, is CINÉMÁ! We come to this place for magic, etcetera!!!
Also can we take a few to talk about the semantics of naming sequels? As a nerd an English major, I think about it a lot.
First, we’ve got the Captain America: The Winter Soldier vibe. [Also any James Bond.] No numbers, just a whole-ass subtitle as if to reassure you that you can buy that movie ticket and it doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen the other movies because this is a story unto ITSELF!
Then we’ve got the ted2 vibe. They’re like, “We made this. It got a sequel. Here it is. Watch it if you want. We don’t give a f*ck.” They know that one day you’ll be so bored in a plane or a hotel room that you’ll watch it against your will anyways.
And then there’s Dune: Part Two. The semicolon. The word “Part.” The number —spelled out. This says, “We are members of The Metropolitan Club. We drink only top-shelf liquor. We are aware of the AP stylebook!! We are not a ‘Block’ ‘Buster’! We are a literary epic!!!!!” *clutches pearls* Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is in this category as well, but the personality is less Glitterati and more punk rock.
Anyways, LOVED the Dune 2 trailer. Can’t wait.
What summer movies are you most excited for?
In the News
👑 The World’s Least Favorite British Royal — King Charles — was officially coronated on Saturday. Full disclosure, I DID host a 5am party to watch the Coronation. To the haters, I simply say: He who doesn’t watch House of the Dragon, let him cast the first stone!!
However. While I do enjoy witnessing historic moments and I love Kate Middleton’s fashion, I also think the monarchy is the worst and isn’t worth the enormous amount it costs its public. And that’s not even getting into the historic horrors of the thing! Prince Harry’s books may have annoyed me [very “I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life”], but he’s RIGHT about the toxicity of the monarchy and the family and all of it. Good for him!
^Enjoy the video above of one of my favorite British comedians absolutely dragging the British Empire.
🪧 Hollywood writers have STRUCK! [Striked? Stricken?] [Nay, it is WE that are stricken!!]
For anyone who doesn’t remember the last writer’s strike, let me tell you the harrowing tale….
Backup writers took over most shows, leading to atrocious plot turns like Landry Clarke literally MURDERING a guy in Friday Night Lights and a few episodes later just dropping that storyline forever!
Conan O’Brien spending extensive screentime spinning his wedding ring (starts at 10 min in) and playing with the camera switcher!
Scripted shows like Gossip Girl, Breaking Bad, and LOST cut short in their seasons, and others outright canceled. [RIP Pushing Daisies, I loved you so much!]
Reality TV had a renaissance since it’s not *technically* scripted and a little number called The Apprentice got a new life as Celebrity Apprentice, relaunching a particular smarm called Donald Trump into stardom and *ahem*, eventually causing his presidential run?? Cannot be proved but also cannot be disproved!
Anyhoo, say goodbye to SNL. [This past week was going to be Pete Davidson. Huge loss for us Pete-heads!] Pay writers!!
🎤 Ed Sheeran was found innocent of all crimes except writing a damn good bop!! [Oh, and the international crime of “rapping” in Galway Girl.] They tried to keep that vending machine of perfect pop songs down, but THEY COULDN’T DO IT!!
👩❤️💋👨 There are rumors—in the tabloidiest of tabloids [ie: not verified in ANY way]—that Taylor Swift is dating a biscuity British musician named Matty Healy. If this is true, I have a few things to say: #1) I WAS RIGHT about which type of suitor she would pick next (less-famous Britishy type?). #2) He looks like if Andrew Garfield and Sid the Sloth had a baby and I do mean that in the worst possible way. #3) He’s pretty problematic and gross and maybe racist? Also back in 2016, he apparently said dating Taylor Swift would be “emasculating.” Well, to that I say, I hope he’s feeling quite emasculated! I hope he’s waiting on her hand and foot right now!
The only explanation for this is that after breaking up with Joe Alwyn, Taylor looked out across the field of available men [which, for her, is all of them] and said, “Who would upset Joe the MOST.” That’s the ONLY EXPLANATION. Anyhoo, I can’t wait for this rebound to be over.
Speaking of Royal-Tea: The new Bridgerton is out! And people are saying it’s the best one!
I have only watched the first episode, but I already have three theories about the plot and I am hooked. I like the main character, young Queen Charlotte, more than most other Bridgerton characters and I’m willing to see her through absolutely any shenanigans she’s planning to take me on.
Reviews seem to agree this is a bleaker but better Bridgerton. As someone who had a delightful time with Season 1 and thought Season 2 was b-o-r-i-n-g…I’m moderately excited!
Citadel on Prime Video: A snooze-fest??
How can a show with lead actors this hot and action sequences this expensive be so…dull?
Citadel is Amazon’s $300 million sprawling new spy series that they intend to compete with Marvel. [haha lol rofl bahahahaha] I watched the first three episodes, and I have two things to say:
The writing is so unimaginative and the two sexy leads have zero chemistry. If the writer’s strike hadn’t started Monday, I would think these writers had already struck! I mean, if a 15-year-old watched Jason Bourne and subsequently wrote a fanfic for it, Citadel would be the finished product.
While it’s not exactly “good,” “per se,” it’s actually not the worst way to pass the time? Sure I scrolled Instagram for 80% of episode 3, but Priyanka Chopra and Richard Madden are undeniably attractive hot, and Stanley Tucci is also here! With just enough of a cliffhanger each episode to make me sooort of want to keep watching? Eh, TBD.
I googled “Citadel reviews” just now and found the perfect encapsulation of my thoughts:
Anyways, it’s sorta fun but did you know Alias is free on Prime Video and Disney+??
Polite Society in theaters: Delightful!!!
Polite Society is a bombastic, hilarious, over-the-top, loving, gentle ROMP about sisterhood and friendship. And it’s in theaters now! If you don’t see it in theaters [worth it for the visuals!], this is a perfect movie to see on streaming when it arrives.
Like Scott Pilgrim and so many other movies that take a genre approach [comic books! slashers! action!] to regular human drama like sisters and marriage, this movie has fun with its imagination and while it doesn’t always land the punches, it warmed THIS GIRL’s heart! I had the best time!
To all my sisters, I would absolutely flying-spin-kick anyone who tried to f*** with you.
Plus, there are fight scenes with gorgeous bejeweled dresses. The Venn diagram of What I Want in Movies!!
My most anticipated summer releases right now: Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (a colon AND a dash!), Fast X (may be going tonight), The Little Mermaid, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (looks WAY better than crystal skull), Barbie, and Oppenheimer.
I already saw GOTG3 and SOBBED.
omg RIP Pushing Daisies I love that I just commented about that on a previous post. What future presidential candidate do you think we’ll get out of this writers strike??
Also cannot wait for Taylor’s rebound to be over. I think it’s bringing up an interesting conversation about what political/social issues Taylor is willing to vocal about and what she isn’t (she was one of those black-square-on-Insta type supporters of BLM so I’m not holding my breath on her saying anything about Matty’s racism). People love to say she’s calculated and plans out everything she says and does and she certainly knows what people are saying about her and Matty and is staying quiet which is a red flag but the bigger red flag for me is something like a lost opportunity to champion the rights of trans people when performing in TN (Lizzo’s concert being an example of a good way to do that). I love Taylor’s music but I really think she’s just another rich, white lady at the end of the day.
She truly does not care what my opinion is of her and yet I have shared it here.
NOT 15 year old Jason Bourne fanfic lmaoooooo I won’t be watching thank you for your service, Hannah. Great idea to rewatch Alias, though.
Hoping the writers strike ends soon and goes the writers way. I do have a big problem with the Union, however. They stated if you are not apart of the Union and yet you work for the networks the WGA will blackball you indefinitely. That’s ridiculous! Other than that, go writers!