The Summer Movie Preview Part 2
Glen Powell, Coming Soon to a Theater Near You!
Happy Pride, y’all! If it’s been a while since you last told your LGBTQ+ friends and family how much you love them and are proud of them — now is a great time! As are all times.💜🏳️🌈
Please enjoy this post from Sesame Street, to which one commenter replied:
“My first thought was ‘THEY SKINNED THEM?!’ And then ‘happy pride!’”
To my dear LGBTQ+ readers and friends, I love you and am so grateful for all you contribute to the world, and I hope I never waver in working to make it a safer world and more loving place.
🫶🏻
Now let’s celebrate some culture!
All the “Big” Summer Movies
Last week: The May movies I’ve already seen. This week: All the upcoming big, blockbuster movies for June, July, and August!
Buckle up, kids, it’s a DOOZY. Best way to approach this post? Scan through and read about the ones that interest you!
[Summer 2024’s slate also features plenty of horror movies — but that is not my journey — and exciting smaller indie/art films. We’ll go over the indie ones soon.]
I’d love to hear: Which of these big summer flicks are you most looking forward to? Which would you pay a movie ticket for? Which are you like “Over my dead body will I watch this film”?? Opinions welcome!
Bad Boys: Ride or Die — June 5
I can’t remember a single plot line of any of these films, but I can remember laughing.
VERDICT: Dumb fun, whoop!
Hit Man — June 7 on Netflix
Glen Powell is just a boy [man], standing in front of a girl [global movie audiences], asking her to accept him as the new Brad Pitt. And by “new Brad Pitt,” I mean “hot dirty-blond leading man who can also be a character actor, and who is NOT on the verge of being canceled.”
A friend of mine who is a friend of a friend of Glen’s [Is it a flex if I am this many degrees separated?] says that Glen is one of the most savvy people in the biz in that he’s really intentional and calculated about what projects he takes on. [Side eye at Anyone But You, which, to be fair, he was the only good part of.] So it makes sense to me that he’s got a big silly blockbuster this summer in Twisters but ALSO this nice smart auteur film that he helped write and develop.
Despite his glossy face/hair/body, he will not be pigeonholed! He can do dumb AND smart and all the shades in between, says his IMDB!
Directed and co-written by Richard Linklater [Boyhood, Before Sunrise, Bernie, School of Rock], Hit Man is an amalgamation of the thriller/noir/rom-com/action genres, based on a true story about a man who posed as a hitman to catch bad guys, first told by Skip Hollandsworth in the Texas Monthly in 2001. Based on the storytelling and artistic strength of both Linklater and Hollandsworth, I am very excited about this movie!
VERDICT: MUST-WATCH!
The Watchers — June 7
It would look like a regular-degular horror movie except that it stars Dakota Fanning and is the directorial debut of Ishana Night Shyamalan, M. Night Shyamalan’s daughter! She’s been involved in her father’s projects like Old and Knock at the Cabin and wrote and directed a few episodes of Servant, that “Rupert Grint horror series” that was quite good.
VERDICT: I will be seated in the theater! “Shyamalan Scary” is the exact level on the Horror Scale that I can handle.
Inside Out 2 — June 14
Inside Out is the movie I put on when I’m at my lowest and saddest, and it restores my hope. [Also Encanto and Moana.] If this one is half as good, I’ll be glad it exists! On the nervous-to-excited scale, how confident do you feel about this one?
VERDICT: Must-Watch. With niece and nephews.
The Bikeriders — June 21
Synopsis: “Over the course of a decade, a Midwestern motorcycle club evolves from a gathering place for local outsiders to a sinister gang, threatening the original group's way of life.”
And yet, weirdly — because this is an all-star cast: Tom Hardy, Jodie Comer, Austin Butler — this looks boring. Kind of lifeless, even though it’s clearly very violent and dramatic. Let’s hope it’s just a case of a “meh” trailer? Am I wrong? What do y’all think?
VERDICT: Not sure I’ll be able to get over the accents, not gonna lie! But I will watch anything Jodie Comer and Austin Butler are doing. [I’m out on Tom Hardy after reading about what a d*ck he was to Charlize Theron—noted working mom—when they filmed Mad Max.]
Kinds of Kindness — June 21
I’m a masochist when it comes to participating in culture I hate just so I can be “in the conversation.” This is why I sometimes wear ugly shoes, and it is also why I continue watching Yorgos Lanthimos movies, despite the fact they make me sick to my stomach and that I think they think they’re smarter than they are.
Here we have yet another Lanthimos movie that I assume will involve a ton of nudity [small boobs only], the male gaze pretending not to be the male gaze, and someone puking, belching or farting as an expression of ✨art✨.
As always with his movies, the cast is amazing: Emma Stone, Willem Dafoe, Jesse Plemons, Margaret Qualley, Hong Chau, Joe Alwyn, Hunter Schafer, and Mamadou Athie.
But at what cost!??
VERDICT: Ew. But I will probably take myself with my little can of wine that falls through the hole in the armrest to see this movie because I am nothing if not powered by FOMO.
Horizon: An American Saga — June 28
Hahahahahahahaahahhaaha, I am NEVER going to see this!!!! An overwrought Western trying to establish a nostalgia for an America that never actually existed, where Kevin Costner has sex with women almost half his age!?? As if!
VERDICT: Nah.
A Quiet Place: Day One — June 28
I love a movie about, in technical terms, “How the shit went down.” I care less about the WHY [Basically: Aliens came! Tik Tok Toe!] but more the HOW. How did people figure out life after? When did they realize they had to be completely quiet or the Venus Flytrap Spider Aliens would slice them in two???
I also love an alien invasion movie, à la War of the Worlds, Independence Day, Arrival, etc.
And I love Lupita.
And yet, I fear I may be tired by this?
VERDICT: Oh well, get me those IMAX tickets, babe.
Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F — July 3
In the year 1984, when Ghostbusters first came out, my mom took my Uncle John and Aunt Lisa to see it but sat them down first to give a warning:
Uncle John, I relate!! I, too, need to be mentally and emotionally prepped for movies where there is a lot of property damage. It’s just hard to relax if you, like me, are thinking about the EXPENSE!! I mean, imagine those calls to the insurance company! What if the landlord is just like, “Sorry, we’re taking the insurance money and running; you don’t have a house anymore”!?? [My brain is an anxious place.]
This is just such a movie. I think they destroyed 20 houses and buildings in just the trailer. I will take deep breaths and relax.
VERDICT: Ben will absolutely make me go see this. [To my distress at the dozens of destroyed homes, he simply said: “Hannah, they’re prop houses.”]
Fly Me To the Moon — July 12
I started describing this trailer to friends over drinks last week: “Picture this! Space race! 1960s! Channing Tatum! Scarlett Johans—” and they immediately shouted me down, “Ew, Hannah, no! PASS!!”
But, I don’t know….
VERDICT: Call me a basic b*tch, but what’s not to enjoy!? I bet it’ll be dumb and entertaining! I love the movies!
Sing Sing — July 12
Colman Domingo isn’t just the best-dressed celebrity alive right now, the unchallenged Monarch of the Red Carpet, he is also an incredible actor. This movie, about prison inmates taking up theater, looks soooo meaningful if it avoids predictable exploitation plotlines. I want to watch this immediately, I want to feel that humanity is worth saving! [Because we are!]
Nota bene: If you want to support a real-life project like the one this movie is about, an amazing organization in NYC is doing just that: Shining Light. Their current project, “Influence,” is a film written by 13 incarcerated writers from all over the U.S. I know one of the producers and she has been deep in this work for years. You can watch the trailer and support here.
VERDICT: I really hope this is nuanced and well-written and empowers the people it’s about.
Twisters — July 19
My favorite thing right now about TwisterS(s)[s] is a guy on X complaining that the poster shows Glen Powell and Daisy Edgar-Jones gazing forward out of the frame in terror, but the tornado is clearly behind them. And then every single reply being like, “It’s TwisterS dude, there’s two of them, go kill yourself.”
The internet is such a safe, friendly place!
VERDICT: As the Beach Boys first said: Fun, fun, fun! I can’t imagine the script is gonna be good, but I’m going to eventize the shit out of this.
Deadpool & Wolverine — July 26
I really enjoy the Deadpool movies; the magic hasn’t yet worn off like it has for other Marvel franchises, and I hope it doesn’t this year. One red flag: Spoiler alert, but we all saw that movie Logan where Wolverine, I’m very sorry to say, DIED. I’m assuming from the trailer that he comes back thanks to Marvel’s zero-stakes “multiverse” narrative cheat. If everyone can come back at any time, what is the point of telling a story??
VERDICT: It’ll be deft, witty, fun, sacrilegious, silly, everything you have come to expect and hope for from a Deadpool movie. Add Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” to your summer playlist because here we go!
Dìdi — July 26
I am so excited for this movie. It’s a coming-of-age film about a 13-year-old Taiwanese American boy who learns “what his family can't teach him: how to skate, how to flirt, and how to love his mom.” It’s already generating awards buzz for Joan Chen, who plays the mom, and it was the surprise winner of the “Audience Award” at Sundance, which means the festivalgoers picked it as their favorite.
Borderlands — August 9
I can’t even imagine the ginormous sum of money they must’ve paid Cate Blanchett to be in this. Or maybe one of her four children is a big fan of the video game so she did it out of love?
[Did you KNOW Cate Blanchett has FOUR children!?? Like, that’s a Catholic amount of children! Three is regular, four is religious! Don’t ask me why!]1
Either way, this looks like something I just wasn’t built to understand. It also looks like they stole the visuals and music from Guardians of the Galaxy and VFX’ed Cate Blanchett and the rest of the cast over Chris Pratt & Co.’s faces?
Cue the gamers (very fairly) “Well, Actually”-ing me in three, two, one….
VERDICT: Pass.
Trap — August 9
“YOU get a plot twist, and YOU get a plot twist, and even this TRAILER gets a plot twist!!” —How I imagine M. Night Shyamalan sounds on any casual day.
Yes, this is a new M. Night Shyamalan movie. And, yes, even the trailer has a plot twist. In setting up the premise, the trailer itself surprises us, and I love that. Of course, this is Shyamalan, so there’s likely more going on in the movie than is revealed in the trailer. [I hope.]
I love this new era for Josh Hartnett, being the scary-movies guy again!
VERDICT: I tend to be forgiving of Shyamalan, perhaps because of nostalgia, but also because he’s an original. I’m cautiously looking forward to this one.
It Ends With Us — August 9
Someone call the Book Girlies to explain this one! I haven’t read it! This is another best-seller-thriller-turned-blockbuster with Blake Lively. It’s based on a novel by the very-TikTok-famous Colleen Hoover about an abusive relationship — sadly, loosely based on Hoover’s own parents.
VERDICT: Romance-novels-turned-lurid-sexual-abuse-stories aren’t really my cup of tea, but I think I’ll probably watch it because of the cultural conversation. It’s important to talk about domestic violence and, even if this isn’t the way I’d do it [I don’t say that with any snobbery — I’ve watched Enough, starring JLo and sporting a 21% Rotten Tomatoes score, like 5,000 times2], the book has had a major impact.
Alien: Romulus — August 16
Last summer I watched through the entire Mission: Impossible canon for the first time. THIS summer: Alien franchise rewatch?? The only ones I’ve seen are the original with Sigourney Weaver, and Prometheus — both of which I loved. Let’s do it! Who’s with me??
VERDICT: I complain about franchises all the time, but I also absolutely love a bandwagon to jump onto.
Blink Twice — August 23
This is Zoë Kravitz’s directorial debut, which was once known as Pussy Island! I am serious! That is such a better, more memorable title than “Blink Twice,” but I can see why the studio was like, “That’s a flat no, sweetie.”
Her boyfriend, Channing Tatum, stars as a maybe-killer billionaire throwing a big ol’ death party on his island. I would say spoiler alert, but it is all in the trailer.
VERDICT: Looks like a mix of Knives Out and Bodies Bodies Bodies. Sure, I’ll bite.
The Crow — August 23
The main thing I learned while researching this movie is that it’s a remake of the film that Bruce Lee’s son died while filming. I did not know: A) That the original existed or B) That Bruce Lee’s son died while filming a movie, after being shot by a prop gun. That’s truly so awful.
A dark vibe to contend with in a movie that’s already dealing with dark subject matter — a rock star and his girlfriend are brutally murdered, and the rock star comes back as a supernatural being to avenge their deaths. Both films are based on a 1989 comic book series by James O'Barr. This remake stars the Skarsgård who played IT/Pennywise in It (2017).
VERDICT: I hate to pre-judge something I don’t fully understand, but this just looks like a Dark Knight knockoff with a little Constantine thrown in? WE’LL SEE.
Whew! We did it!! That’s all for this week, folks! I hope you’re excited for summer movie season — and I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions about the movies, sequels, stars, and more.
[I’m not being judgmental, my favorite families growing up had 5+ kids.]
[My friend Nat and I used to spend our spare time trading recitations of that ridiculous, perfect script, like the Juliette Lewis line: “You have a divine, animal right to protect your own life and the life of your offspring.” HELL YEAH!]
I’m most excited about Hit Man! Love Linklater and I’ve heard good things.
Also I have a couple coworkers who are obsessed with cult classic movies and they recommended the original The Crow so it’s on my watchlist. Not sure it will be my thing though. 🤷♀️
Twister is in fact my all time favorite movie. So I can👏not👏wait👏 for Twisters! I'm thinking I NEED to see it at a drive in. But I'm also old and don't know if I can stay up that late anymore.