Colin Farrell Is Not Gonna be Ignored!!
The Oscars are Coming, Part 1!
Happy Lent! Or, as the hardened atheists at the Today Show call it: “Mark Wahlberg’s 40-Day Challenge”!
Are any of you doing a “40-Day Challenge” [religious or non-religious] like Marky Mark? Anything helping you get through the drudge-months of February and March? I’d love to hear about how you’re making it!
Anyhoo… In Hollywood Land, it’s not Lent, it’s “Almost Time for the Oscars”!
Awards Season is in full swing, with Zendaya *eating up* the Red Carpet everywhere she goes [Honestly, why do the rest of us even try to EXIST!??].
But the primary discourse—the Main Character of the Internet, if you will—is obviously: Ariana DeBose’s performance at the BAFTAs.
Otherwise known as the “Angela Bassett Did the Thing” Heard ‘Round the World.
There are two types of people: Those who watched that video and swore their allegiance to Ariana’s pronunciation of “Ahn-juh-lah” Bassett [phonetical canon!] and those who hid under their covers because they can’t handle secondhand embarrassment [It’s me! hi! I’m the problem, it’s me! Jamie Lee Curtis hates me now, and I deserve it!].
I have now watched it several [two] times [exposure therapy] and have one question: Was there any reason—rhythm, rhyme, or otherwise.—to say, “Blanchett, Cate” like she was calling role in English class? [The only correct answer is apparently: No, and that’s what makes it ~*iconique*~.]
It may have unsettled my spirit to my core — but what else should an awards show do? Be BORING???? God forbid!!
Anyhoo, keep shining your light, Ariana! I guess!??
[We have now come full circle in self-referential, winking, Meta Internet: Angela Bassett herself quoting “Angela Basset did the thing” at last night’s NAACP Awards. History is coming to an end.]
Now, on to the movies!
Let’s Rank Some Oscar Nominees
The Oscars are but a fortnight away, so today we’re doing a little “Part 1” rundown of a few of the Best Picture nominees. I’d love to hear YOUR thoughts, too — whether you’ve seen them or not! Wildly biased and ungrounded armchair opinions are always welcome!
I’ve already talked about two of the Best Picture contenders:
Everything Everywhere All at Once [my un-cool take, oops]
Now for the new ones! And if you want to join in the fun, here’s a great roundup of Where to Watch the Oscar Nominees.
The Banshees of Inisherin - 4.5 stars
I didn’t love this movie so much as I j’adored the PERFORMANCES in this movie. It has long been my opinion that Colin Farrell is grossly underrated as an actor and deserves more attention! That Irish accent alone is, to me, belissima!! The only person I’ve ever wanted to love and protect more than Colin Farrell in Banshees of Inisherin is Colin Farrell’s adorable mini donkey in Banshees of Inisherin!
Cons of the movie:
It took us two days to finish.
It was extremely slow and extremely sad (but also hilarious!).
It was frustrating that the driving plot device hinged on a character decision that made zero sense.
While the groundless nature of that character’s motivation was the point — an analogy to the Irish Civil War/the senselessness of war in general — I thought the comparison was a bit heavy-handed.
[Others have told me they barely noticed it, but I didn’t get a perfect score in Critical Reading on my SATs for NOTHING!]
Pros of the movie:
I laughed out loud in nearly every single scene.
Gorgeousgorgeous Ireland.
Gorgeousgorgeous Colin Farrell in gorgeousgorgeous Irish-Grandpa
sweatersjumpers hand-knit by some Irish lady.The aforementioned mini donkey.
The chemistry between Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson! The like of which we have not seen since they starred in the extremely violent and hilarious In Bruges!
The chemistry between Colin Farrell and every single thing in this film! Colin Farrell and his sister! Colin Farrell and that boy from Dunkirk! Colin Farrell and a muddy stretch of road!
The stellar acting from every person, which is why the chemistry worked. Those Brits/Irish actors and their Shakespeare training!
Did I mention bury me in Colin Farrell’s gorgeousgorgeous knit sweaters?
It’s a must-watch if you like stunning performances lushly filmed and if you like to chuckle and feel very, very sad at the same time.
What did you think of Banshees??
Elvis - 3.8 stars
Point: It took me four [4!] separate sittings to make it through this movie. Script: bad. Acting apart from Austin Butler: bad. Tom Hanks: unwatchable (!).
Counterpoint: If someone made a Snyder Cut of this movie where it’s just the parts with Austin Butler, and there’s no Tom Hanks bellowing for the Santy Claus song, I would watch it on repeat. FOREVER!!
You can divide this movie into two separate pieces: 1) How Elvis the Messiah sacrificed his life to solve racism and heal America. 2) Tom Hanks does clown performance.
Yes, this movie is a mess and Tom Hanks is a baffling joke and it’s very hard to parse what is or isn’t historically accurate. But this is Baz Luhrmann. The guy who made Elephant Love Medley is not a guy concerned with historical accuracy! He is a guy concerned with making you feel something! He is a guy who made a movie not about the historical Elvis — but about Elvis, the inventor of music! Elvis, the inventor of sex! Elvis, the first human to wear fashion! Elvis, America’s one (missed) shot at salvation!
And, yes, it’s all annoying and dumb except that when Austin Butler is on the screen, you’re like, “YES, ELVIS, THE INVENTOR OF US ALL!!”
There’s a story that when filming ended, Austin Butler got really sick and said something about Elvis’s spirit leaving him, and it all sounded totally woo-woo and absurd, but now, after seeing the film — Reader, I am convinced! He conjured Elvis! It’s like Butler is in a different movie from everyone else. He’s playing chess while everyone else is playing Go Fish. And it was worth four [4!] sittings to see every last frame of his performance.
[His sexual energy with his mom was weird, though.]
What did you think of Elvis?
Triangle of Sadness - Unwatchable!
This movie sucks. Sorry, art people!
I didn’t watch Triangle of Sadness so much as I tried to watch Triangle of Sadness.
That is to say that I watched 45 minutes of it on an airplane and then got to a scene where every single character, in bracing close-up turns, began violently and realistically projectile vomiting. It was so real, in fact, that when the flight attendant came up at that moment and said “Would you like Sun Chips or almonds” I visibly gagged and she asked if I was okay. Needless to say, I called it quits.
On my next flight, the woman sitting next to me queued it up, got to the Vom Scene, turned it off in a panic, and slept the rest of the flight. [Because of the trauma, I’m sure!]
The thing is, it wasn’t even an enjoyable movie BEFORE that scene. Everyone sucked, it was weirdly ugly, there were always flies buzzing in the background, and my secondhand embarrassment was ringing like a BELL. It was White Lotus but uglier and not as funny. It honestly just made me mad.
Like, maybe this makes me uncouth and unsophisticated, but stop making unwatchable movies! Even if the unwatchableness is the whole point!
If anyone has made it through the Triangle of Sadness puke scene, please do share your experience! I know they end up marooned on an island, and that honestly sounds like a completely different movie! A mess!
I couldn't even make it through the Triangle of Sadness trailer so, like, more power to you.
When you wrote “The only person I’ve ever wanted to love and protect more than Colin Farrell in Banshees of Inisherin is Colin Farrell’s adorable mini donkey in Banshees of Inisherin!” - i felt that...deep in my soul. 👏👏👏