All the things to watch this week + lots of celebrity tea
What I'm Watching, Reading, & Listening To This Week
Greetings from NYC’s Third Winter!! Last week it was 70 degrees and today is the third blizzard in as many days. At least now we have one more hour of sunlight in which to be cold and gaze out the window at the sleet! Que será, etcetera.
Are you pro or against Daylight Savings? Do you prefer “falling back” or “springing forward”? I hate it all!
Here’s some good news, though: The TV drought OVER!! There is SO MUCH TO WATCH and I’m not just talking about The Batman and sports!
So—to catch up on all the things—this week we’re focusing on a roundup of several new shows/movies out to watch right now.
But first, what’s in the news…
In the News
Kim is Kanceled [Kind of]. Kim Kardashian née West, who was famously “born on third,” told Variety that she thinks women just don’t *work* *hard* *enough*! Reader, this did not go over well! Former employees of the Kardashian empire shared how underpaid and overworked they were there, and my cousin Becca sent me a video clip of Kourtney Herself complaining about having to work until the late, late hours of 4:00pm!
KimPete is Official. Kim officially announced her relationship with this blog’s favorite, Pete Davidson, by burying photos of him in a photo dump. Also inexplicably in this photo dump is a screenshot from the 2010 Ben Affleck movie The Town. I guess the Devil works hard but Kim [*cough*Kris*cough*] works harder!
Sometimes What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Kanye West’s New BFF. Remember last week how we talked about Hollywood Unlocked, the “news” site that falsely reported Queen Elizabeth’s death? As if that story could get any weirder, Jason Lee, the CEO of said “news” site, IS NOW KANYE WEST’S HEAD OF MEDIA!???!? Readers, I could not make this sh*t up if I tried!
Please enjoy this old video Twitter dug up of Beyoncé attempting to avoid Jason “The Queen is Dead” Lee.
Billionaires Have Secret Babies Just Like Us. Grimes *accidentally* spilled in a profile about her upcoming space opera [no comment!] that she and Elon Musk have a secret second baby! Normal!! She also revealed that her twice-baby-daddy, ex-boyfriend, “best-friend-and-love-of-my-life,” billionaire Elon Musk lives in a $40,000 house with no security and sometimes is reduced to eating *checks notes* peanut butter! Billionaires, they’re✨ just like us! ✨
Celebrity Beauty Tips That I Could Never. If you enjoy rich people telling you that all it takes to look like them is to rely solely on green juice [Kerry Washington], olive oil [J Lo], meditation [Shawn Mendes], or never washing your face [Cameron Diaz], try out Vogue’s Beauty Secrets series on YouTube! If you DON’T think I watched every second of Zoë Kravitz’s video hoping to grow a Kravitz Jawline simply by osmosis, do you even know me!??? Moreover, nothing will make you feel more like Lennie from Of Mice and Men than watching Gemma Chan gently flutter skincare products onto her face as if she’s soothing a newborn lamb.
Speaking of beauty, Harry Styles released skincare from his lifestyle line, Pleasing!! Leading us to wonder, Stylers though we are, Should Harry Styles be giving us skincare advice? Sexy though he may be, his skin says, “I woke up like this—i.e. with a debilitating hangover after three hours of restless sleep in the fetal position.”
[Other celebs who have recently foisted unsolicited skincare lines upon us: Scarlett Johansson and Gwen Stefani—who named her makeup line GXVE, pronounced “give” even though she doesn’t “give” any of the proceeds away, but rather says skincare itself is a “gift” to the people lucky enough to perceive you. My thoughts exactly!]
In contrast to overwrought celebrity beauty tips, this is what Chris Pine looks like right ! now !
Saturday Night Live Highlights - Oscar “Something for Everyone” Isaac & Zoë “Something for Everyone” Kravitz
Catching up with highlights from the past two weeks, when the world’s two sexiest people gamely hosted back-to-back episodes!
[Links to videos are in the numbers this time because it’s just hard to read underlined text, right??]
Highlights for Oscar Isaac: (1) “Paw Patrol”!! And I’m not even a parent and have only the vaguest concept of what Paw Patrol is! | (2) “Inventing Chloe” | (3) “Weekend Update,” especially Kate on Florida’s bill and Ego as “Weary Mother in Her Darkest Hour on Rihannah’s Pregnancy.” (4) Fiction Workshop. I laughed so hard when he said Dua Lipa.
Lowlights for Oscar Isaac: The meatball goiter one. Hard pass, no thank you.
Highlights for Zoë Kravitz: (1) “Amazon Go” | (2) “Porch Scene” where Kate and Aidy play school-aged math nerd boys | (3) “Please Don’t Destroy” video | (4) “Don’t Stop Believin,’” which imagines someone who has never heard a marching band and absolutely f***ing loves it. Bowen gives my precise energy.
Lowlights Zoë Kravitz: Several of the sketches just didn’t do it for me.
Watching - A Roundup!
For our week’s roundup, let’s follow the classic: “If you like ______, try ______.” Tell your girl what you think about the format and as always, send me YOUR recommendations! Let’s do this!
1. If you liked Yellowjackets…
Try Fresh on Hulu.
First: I CANNOT overemphasize how much blood, gore, and literal cannibalism is in this movie! If that’s not for you, be warned!!
That said, Fresh is a shockingly fun horror romp, written and directed by women. The screenwriter came up with the idea when a friend said to write about something that scared her most. Her answer? “Dating.” Amen!!
It’s kind of like Get Out but for women [can I say that?], and has the same fun, vampy, slasher energy of Yellowjackets.
2. If you like basketball or Adam McKay…
Try Winning Time: The Rise of the Lakers Dynasty on HBO Max.
This show is like if The Big Short was about basketball. And, much like The Big Short, it feels a bit like a white-boy circle-jerk [sorry for being crass], but is also quippy, smart, and hilarious.
The Tea: This show is allegedly what broke up Will Ferrell and Adam McKay! Adam went behind Will’s back to cast John C. Reilly in the leading role and now Will is going on vacation with Ryan Reynolds and not taking Adam’s calls!!
Speaking of Ryan Reynolds…
3. If you like Ryan Reynolds…
Try The Adam Project on Netflix.
Reviews are split but most say that this time-traveling, family-values action movie is a good time if you lower your expectations. The New York Times thought it was slightly obnoxious, but their review used the word “peregrinations,” so who exactly is the obnoxious one here.
I’ll watch anything with Ry-Boy in it, and this also has the same director as Free Guy, funnest move of 2021, so I’m excited to watch this week.
4. If you liked Being the Ricardos…
Try Lucy and Desi on Amazon Prime.
Also a great watch if you, like me, can’t get in the mood to watch Ice Queen Nicole Kidman play the Funniest Person Ever!!! See the real Lucy and Desi in this excellent documentary, directed by Amy Poehler, the true comedic descendant of Lucille Ball!
5. If you liked Ex Machina, Her, or anything from A24…
Try After Yang on Hulu.
I haven’t had time to watch this, but it’s getting excellent reviews. Against my will and better judgment, I’m a big fan of Colin Farrell [who can forget his deadpan performance in In Bruges??] so I’m excited to watch this sad movie about a family who…loses their adult robot child?…or…something?
6. If you like fictionalized real-life dramas…
Try The Dropout on Hulu.
It feels like everything on TV right now is a fictional retelling of historic events — Inventing Anna; Super Pumped, where Joseph Gordon Levitt plays Uber’s founder, and Coach Taylor is also there; The Thing About Pam, where Renée Zellweger plays a midwestern serial killer. (Renée’s show is not good.) But the best so far might be The Dropout, about the Theranos startup scandal. Worth it just to see Amanda Seyfried nailing the Elizabeth Holmes voice.
7. If you like corporate dystopian thrillers…
Try Severance on Apple TV+.
Adam Scott plays an employee of a mysterious corporation where his memory is “severed” between work and life. At work he can’t remember his personal life, in life he can’t remember work. I read a Tweet once that said everyone looks cold in sci-fi, and I’m sorry to say that applies here. But I’m intrigued nonetheless!
8. If you like reality competition shows like Survivor…
Try The Mole on Netflix.
This show came out in 2001, only a few months after the first-ever episode of Survivor. BUT, it made my list because Nat and Emma told me they’re obsessed—and it’s new to Netflix! It’s like The Amazing Race but one of the competitors is secretly trying to sabotage the group. Also, the host is Anderson Cooper when his hair was still a light shade of gray!
Also, your newsletters are TOO FUNNY, as in, HOW am I supposed to remember all the things I wanted to respond to??? 😂😂😂 But here was just one of the moments that made me glad to be human:
‘The New York Times thought it was slightly obnoxious, but their review used the word “peregrinations,” so who exactly is the obnoxious one here.’
First, I truly look forward to these every week.
Second, Quincy Crosby who is playing Magic Johnson in Winning Time, went to the school where Jane attends daycare. Sooooo....Famous Adjacent.
Third, I, and my friends, were so obsessed with The Mole and Survivor in 4th grade that we created a version of it that we played at recess. My BFF ended up being the mole and I found her out. What a weird show for 4th graders to be in to, but we are truly the start of the reality TV generation. Side note, until it showed up on Netflix, I had never put together that Anderson Cooper was the host. Second side note, if I recall correctly there is a celebrity version.