House of the Dragon Power Rankings - Ep. 3 "Second of His Name"
Everyone is having a real miserable time!
Everyone in Westeros is just absolutely bringing the misery this week! Disconsolate, tormented, angsty, wretched.
The crabs still be eatin’, but literally nobody else is!
Nonetheless, we got an epic Targaryan Princess™️ Mic Drop slay, our first real battle, and a HOT. NEW. DRAGON. RIDERRRR!!!!!! 🐉 Three Targaryans had real rebirth moments — Daemon, Rhaeny, and even, yes, Viserys — which I loved as a callback to Daeny’s several powerful rebirth scenes.
So let’s get into it!
We’ve got 12 rankings this week, from best to worst.
#1 Daemon Targaryen
Daemon wins this week on body count ALONE.
Last week he was Amy March petulantly burning Jo’s book for attention, this week he’s John F**king Wick of Westeros!
Let’s not gloss over his failures: Our boy has been taking massive L’s for the past two years, which have gone by off-screen. It’s a tough look when you bring nukes dragons to a knife fight and you can’t win! Also, his dragon looks like a churro with legs??
BUT. When you go full Matrix and take out dozens of soldiers [12, 24, 50, 100?? I lost count!], take three arrows straight to the chest, and emerge reborn from the caves dripping in blood, dragging a human torso???? You win! I don’t make the rules!
I feel that now we have seen the official launch of Daemon Targaryen. Get out the popcorn.
#2 Queen Alicant
Another week, another battle with myself not to put Alicant right at the damn top of this list. This literal queen is twelve steps ahead of everyone, and nobody knows it.
I mean, yes, she is 17 and pregnant, has a one-year-old already, her hubby’s a middle-aged drunk who constantly talks about his dead wife, and her best-friend-turned-stepdaughter hates her.
But Alicant knows how to deal with these children! She’s making her own moves now instead of listening to Creeper No. 1, aka her dad. She seems to genuinely support Rhaenyra’s claim to the throne when it would be so easy for her to snatch it for her son; she is trying to get her hubs the king to calm down and rule; and she actually seems to know what’s good for the realm and gives Viserys some damn good war advice. Also she seems fertile as hell!
Alicant is playing the game at an elite level.
#3 Rhaenyra Targaryen
Rhaney is in her full Avril Lavigne era, and I’m here for it!!
You might think Rhaeny deserves higher than third place, and I welcome your vigorous opposition! But consider: Rhaeny is still learning how to navigate power. With Aegon now in play, she’s in a very insecure position no matter what Viserys promises — much more so than Alicant is, even though Rhaeny showed more outward strength. [Though some might call that tantrums, hunny!]
She gets docked some points for political naïveté: Getting into a towering row with her dad in front of God and everyone and insulting that snooty lady with the dog which, granted, was hilarious — but her number one priority needs to be PR, and that was not it. Also, she spent a lot of this episode sulking! A world-class sulker!
That said — her hits just keep on hitting.
This week she:
Absolutely owned Jason Lannister, FBoy of Westeros. Left this man-child on READ!
Had some great girl talk with Criston Cole over s’mores.
Called out her dad for marrying Alicant out of passion [gross], not just for “advantage.”
Saved the white hart! Perhaps symbolizing herself? Or, refusing to grant Aegon a spiritual seal? Or, just being contrarian, as her dad put it? What do we think she was doing here? Whatever it was, it was decisive and we love it.
But most of all: That blood-covered, mic-drop, grand finale victory lap at the end!! Iconic!! *Is that Rhaenyra’s muuuusiiiiiiic!???!!!*
#4 Laenor Velaryon
HOT. NEW. DRAGON RIDEEERRRR!!!! I know nothing about him except that he’s handsome, hot-headed, and saved Daemon’s life when he rode in on his SURPRISE DRAGON!? Thrills a minute! I assume he and Rhaeny will get married, which will be frustrating for them both because — don’t we think she’s gay? Anyhoo, he did good here.
#5 Lyonel Strong
Master of Laws & Good-Advice Giver. He’s the only person not trying to manipulate his proximity to the king for personal gain and is instead doling out great advice nonstop. Honestly, he’s the only person in Westeros I trust.
And how is he also the only person in Westeros who’s like, “Hey, y’all remember how there’s this smoking hot, age-appropriate Valerian guy out here just marriageable as hell?? How about instead of marrying Rhaenyra to her *actual baby brother* we try the guy who is, in fact, of legal age?”
You right!
#6 Ser Criston Cole
The only note I took on Criston Cole this week was “Good.” And he IS good! Way to be the future Queen’s closest confidant, super nice, and good at battle! [Although that boar did throw him 12 feet.]
Additionally, when asked if he has been betrothed before, he replied that he used to be an “adventurer” and was never “formally betrothed.” Cheeky!
#7 King Viserys
If ever a man was not the king of his castle, it is our sweet friend King Viserys. This dude is just trying to hold his family together and failing worse than Episode 1 Walter White.
The man is fighting with his teen in front of God and everyone like there is no gossip out here at Westeros Summer Camp.
He can’t kill a stag that is literally TIED UP. It’s tied up!!!
The man is in his cups in a bad way.
Needs a stool to get off his horse — and it’s not because he’s short it’s because he’s still drunk as hell.
He is sad all the time. 😕
However. I am awarding him some last-minute points because he had some good moments in this episode, too. I mean, first of all, the fact he is trying to keep his family together is sweet. Doomed, but sweet.
Second of all, he ALSO dunked on FBoy Lannister, seems to truly stand by his daughter Rhaenyra, and listens to good advice [see: “Queen Alicant” and “Lyonel Strong”].
Viserys also wins the Most Relatable Character Award, and for that, we love him.
#8 Aegon Targaryen
Aegon is a baby. He seems happy and I hope he’s well cuz it all goes downhill from here I am certain.
#9 Corlys Velaryon
I always hate it when, while I’m giving a head count of my ships, one of them is actively sinking behind me! The worst, amirite!?
Big fall for Corlys from last week, though things are looking up after Daemon’s rampage. Points for having a hot son, too.
#10 Jason Lannister
Jason FBoy Lannister has come to our show with the most finance bro energy I have ever encountered. He’s giving “Damn boo what that ass do” as his opening line on Tinder, he’s giving “God told me we should get married,” he is giving unsolicited dick picks.
What a frikkin Lannister, am I right?
He got shut down by Rhaenyra AND the King and looked a damn fool. Bad showing for now, though I have a deep foreboding that he will be climbing the ranks soon.
#11 Otto Hightower
Ain’t nobody listening to you anymore, Otto!
Otto “God made women to serve” Hightower is gross, and even his daughter is ignoring him now, and I’m happy to say he was bad at his job this week and has fallen down the rankings.
#12 Crab King
Wellp, when all you have left at the end of the episode is a torso, you get dead last. Again, I don’t make the rules!
Jason Lannister is definitely a finance bro and a #metoo in the making. BUT House Lannister is by far my favorite house, and to even lay eyes on a Lannister just made the whole series feel complete. Like ok, now we’re talking!
Also, Ser Criston referencing his past “adventures…” IMO has a “boys will be boys” / Jeffrey Epstein private island vibe I don’t like. And I know it’s not *meant* that way, but that’s bothersome?!? Male writers have got to stop calling playboy shit “adventures.” Especially when the surrounding culture, AKA Westeros, is 100% misogynistic and generally abusive towards women. 😒
Rant over.