My Root Canal, Lizzo on SNL, Thor trailer, and Everyone Go Watch Severance

What I'm Watching, Reading, & Listening to This Week

Severance blew my mind, y’all

Quick reminder that I would be FOREVER GRATEFUL (!!!) if you would take 3-5 minutes (!!!) out of your day to fill out my survey (!!!) about this newsletter to help me make it better. 🙏🏼

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Greetings from 36,000 feet up! Ben and I are flying to Paris and yes I’m gagging at myself for sounding like Helen from Bridesmaids right now. Please love me anyways. [Ben’s company is headquartered there, so he has work, and I have two thumbs and can work from anywhere!] Hopefully, I’ll have some stories to share along the way.

Anyhoo, I come to you on a Friday this week because last weekend was a ✨holiday✨—and also because LAST Friday, while Christians around the world commemorated the death of Jesus Christ, I, in solidarity, got a root canal!!

[I know that’s not what the Bible means when it says “participate in the sufferings of Christ,” but when I was under the drill I kinda felt like I was???]

A Rabbit Hole About Root Canals

I need a moment to talk about my teeth/mouth/dental probs.

I am my mouth and my mouth is me, but also we’re in a pretty toxic relationship. She carries my anxiety, my opinions, my taste, my health, but in revenge for this burden, she also (1) conjures skin conditions from nowhere [which the doctor blames on “stress”] (2) grinds my teeth all night until they’re all short squares [which the doctor blames on “stress”] and (3) blasts Hit ‘Em Up Style while I pay hundreds of dollars in dentist fees just because I don’t floss regularly [which the doctor blames on “not trying hard enough”]!

My parents, and then me, gave her [my mouth] everything she ever wanted and then some. We gave her retainers! braces! surgical procedures! mother f—ing HEADGEAR(!!)! [Friends, it is difficult to describe the depths of social punishment that is having to wear headgear as a 13-year-old. Even when you lie to your friends about it and only wear it at night when no one sees.]

And yet, despite all this tender loving care, she [my mouth] still forgets everything we’ve collectively done for her and goes and develops an abscess *issue* in a back molar. When the dentist said I needed a root canal or I might lose the tooth I said in absolute astonishment, “WHY would it be bad to lose the tooth!??” And the dentist had the AUDACITY to say: “Are you not emotionally attached to your tooth?” MA’AM. I have never been less emotionally attached in my LIFE!!! This tooth is mocking me! This tooth is gaslighting me! This tooth is throwing my sleep cycle out with the garbage!!

But then the Dentist said, “It will save money.”

So I said okay. Dental insurance is a joke.

Anyways, turns out a root canal isn’t as bad as wearing headgear when you’re 13! I’m hardened.

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On that note, please tell me all your most hilarious/painful/cursed/traumatic dentistry stories in the comments to make me feel better about myself.

Have you had a root canal? Wisdom teeth extraction? [Don’t worry, THAT’S happening for me next month!] Other procedures you can regale us with?

We/I would love to hear.

In the News

• Study: Americans are cursing more since the pandemic. I’m proud/ashamed to announce I was already cursing plenty. But also, let’s crowdsource this: Are you cursing more, less, or the same since 2020?

• Did you know that Serena Williams's daughter’s DOLL has an Instagram?? Well, now you do and you can follow her: The Real Quai Quai. I hate and fear this as much as I love and adore it.

• Al Pacino [age: 81] was photographed with his girlfriend Noor Alfallah [age: 28, brain freshly completed], but the real story is that Al has an iPhone case covered in photos of Shrek?? And I mean COVERED. It’s not just one photo of Shrek. He is a SHREK-HEAD. His daughter [whom I can only assume is older than his girlfriend] confirmed this on Instagram.

• Kendrick Lamar & BTS both announced new albums coming soon! Say goodbye to my ability to string sentences together!!! I will try not to annoy you all by talking about this absolutely NONSTOP!!!

• The Thor teaser trailer came out and I have exactly five reactions: 1) HOT THOR IS BACK THANKS TO CROSSFIT APPARENTLY 2) THOR IN HIS RED VEST 80s ERA 3) WHO IS THE BLUE-HAIRED LADY MAKING OUT WITH THOR [accepting answers in the comments] 4) NATALIE PORTMAN, HOT THOR TWO-POINT-0HHH 5) Taika Waititi can have all my money bye.

Saturday Night Live Highlights — Lizzo

What I am about to say I am not proud of. But the Lizzo episode was not good. I’m not saying Lizzo wasn’t good (she was the best part!). But…the skits…hunny. No.

Despite this, I do still have several highlights:

• Highlights: (1) Cold Open only for Chris Redd’s gorgeous gorgeous Eric Adams impression [though maybe this is a New York thing??], (2) TikTok ft. Lizzo because it’s so accurate??? (3) Please Don’t Destroy “I need a Black woman anthem!” “Are WE the guys to do that?”, (4) Twerking Orchestra was so dumb but had me rolling, especially how much the cast was trying to hold their laughter in, and (5) Lizzo’s second musical performance, “Special.” Call me corny but I was 😭 blubb 😭 er 😭 ing 😭. It’s a bit pitchy and a very basic message, but honestly, that’s why it’s so good? You can just feel the emotion of all she’s lived through and conquered!!!!

Movies

I am sorry to say I still haven’t gone to the movies this month and it is physically hurting me. Everything Everywhere All at Once and The Lost City are still out there absolutely mocking me with how good they’re supposed to be, and this weekend, two NEW ones come out that I’m super excited about:

• The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent — a Nick Cage machine that actually looks good [and I even like the bad ones, including, and I am not lying, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice]!??? YES!

• The Duke — All the best elderly British actors? In a film about a working-class old guy stealing a painting from the National Gallery in London just so the government invests more in elder care!???? So like, Ocean’s 11 but with a conscience AND old people??? Sign me up!!

TV — Severance on Apple TV+

Okay, I mentioned this show a few weeks ago in my post recommending several different things to watch based on what you already like. [Check it out!] But I didn’t have too much to say because I had only watched two episodes. But now I’ve finished and OH. MY. GAWD. It’s one of the best things I’ve watched in a while!???

I will warn you that it starts slow. The first 2-3 episodes I was a little distracted on my phone, but then I’d miss something and want to go back. But you know when you watch a show that just REWARDS you for that effort? That ends up being worth all the time you put in, times a billion? That’s this.

Incredible cast featuring Adam Scott, Patricia Arquette, John Turturro [who was honestly one of the only redeeming parts of the new Batman! I said it!!!], and Tramell Tillman. It’s a dystopian “is my workplace trying to kill me” kind of story set in the near(?) future(?). A storyline we can all get behind, amirite!?

No spoilers, but I will say the series does end on a cliffhanger. 😬 Like you’ll want to watch the next season immediately and it’s not even made yet. But the final episode is probably the best finale I’ve seen in years.

Reading

• Mushrooms may 'talk' to each other using up to 50 'words' (my brain hurts)

• Illuminating the Deep (interactive article about the insanity of the deep sea!)

• I Lived the #VanLife. It Wasn’t Pretty. -The New York Times (Paywall, unfortunately, but this is the FUNNIEST thing I’ve read in a while. This is who I want to write like.)

That’s it for this week, friends! Thank you again for joining me, it gives me the most joy. I’ll be traveling *abroad* for the next two weeks but if I get time between my actual paid writing for clients (whomp whomp), I’ll post some stuff! ✈️