Simone Biles, Movie Trailers to Watch, & Kanye Being Kanye

What I'm Reading, Watching, & Listening To This Week

You know what’s on my mind this week? The simulation. Here’s why.

First, the new season of Ted Lasso dropped. I have to be honest, the first episode was not good. They should just call this season “Ted LassoTM” because it feels like they’re trying to “do Ted Lasso” but recycled. And nobody I’ve talked to agrees with me, and maybe I’ll be proven wrong, but you know when your favorite show takes that dreaded turn where the characters suddenly feel more like caricatures? [Parks & Rec season 6, The Office somewhere between season 5 and when Michael leaves.] Yeah, that.

BUT, that’s not my point! The interesting part was that they are clearly setting up the season to explore a mental health theme and I VERY much look forward to seeing where they go with it even if it’s super overwrought. Yes they’re saying “MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT” in giant gaudy flashing neon block letters, but we still support the effort.

Then, the Simone Biles stuff happened. Again, forcing us to think about sports and mental health and how we treat our athletes and ourselves. Profoundly [I hope] altering the future of sports and mental health.

I’m glad to be around for this moment in our collective consciousness.

But another thing I keep thinking: The fact that TV shows are literally syncing up thematically with real life is empirical proof that the simulation is real!!!!!!!!!!

Okay! I said it! Now here’s what else I’m into this week!

In the News

• Michaela Coel is going to be in the next Black Panther movie! She’s the creator and star of the 2020 show I May Destroy You, which recently got nine Emmy noms.* Prestige TV snobs and Marvel-heads shall unite!! Rumors are floating that she might play Storm, as in Halle Berry’s character in the first X-Men series? [Don’t @me, Becky.]

• Kanye now lives in the Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta? He went there to have a release party for his new album DONDA but then the album wasn’t finished so now he lives in the locker room until he can guess the name Rumpelstiltskin in three tries and save his firstborn child, did I get that right?

• Football-sized goldfish. Now I know why dad didn’t let us take goldfish home from the State Fair. [Oh wait, no, that was because he *very accurately* assessed that his 7-year-old daughters would not have the attention span to keep a fish alive. He was proved correct when, twenty years later, my roommate brought a fish home from *and I cannot emphasize this enough* THE BODEGA, and it died within two weeks.]

*I watched I May Destroy You and it deserves every award and it is also devastatingly upsetting to watch and I don’t advise going in lightly. Read a little about it first.

Watching — Old

Listen up. Old is good! Screw the haters! That Rotten Tomatoes score? Lies! I’d give Old a solid 72%! It’s a fun time if you already like Shyamalan! [And maybe a clownish slog through stilted dialogue if you don’t, but that’s not my issue.]

The Cons: It gets over-explainy. There is a child whose actual schtick is to go around and ask people, “What is your name and occupation?” Oof. Also, the characters are a bit one-note but have you seen any Shyamalan films ever?

Why I Liked It: It’s a pretty profound reflection on themes of aging, death, ethics, and human disease pitted against the unfeeling prescripts of nature. The actors are great, despite the one-note thing. It feels like a play! And there’s just enough body horror to be deliciously freaky but not vomit-inducing. The “twist” ending is less of a mind-blowing magic trick and more of a lightly thought-provoking revelation.

Verdict: It’s better than The Village but not as good as Signs. [I used to be OBSESSED with The Village but it’s too cringey now?] If anyone else has seen it, please text me because I have thoughts about how relevant/troubling the movie is re: current events and I NEED A SOUNDING BOARD.

YouTubing — Movie Trailers!

The only thing better than movies themselves is MOVIE TRAILERS. Sometimes a trailer is all you need! That’s not a compliment, though!

Here are the trailers I’m excited about:

• House of Gucci - Trailer released YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!! ADAM DRIVER. LADY GAGA. Furs! Murder! Tiny cups of espresso! Italian accents that are probably really bad! All flashing over a background track of “Heart of Glass” by Blondie! [Yes, I did have to Shazam that.] Twitter was ablaze last night with the Lady Gaga and Adam Driver stans duking it out for top trend. [The Driver fans were soundly beaten, of course, don’t mess with the Little Monsters.]

• King Richard - This is the movie where Will Smith plays Venus and Serena’s dad and WOW. When he says, “This world ain’t never had no respect for Richard Williams, but they gonna respect y’all,” wow we heard that, Will! I’m intrigued to see if/how the movie grapples with complexity. On the one hand, you cringe to see a parent putting all the weight of their pain and expectations on their children — it reminds me of the Tiger documentary and what his father put him through. But then, to be Black in America, and what it takes to survive, much less become the Greatest of All Time. Wow.

• DUNE - How was this second trailer even better than the first!?? POV Zendaya with icy blue eyes being a hot desert person. Our darling Timothée grunting “yes” like he’s constipated and MAKING - IT - SEXY!!!!! Oscar Isaac with a very big beard! Jason Momoa being funny! Everyone being extremely beautiful and dewy despite the very sandy environs!!

• The Last Duel - Surprise, it’s Adam Driver again! In the year of our Lord 2021, it’s not a film if Adam Driver isn’t in it. [Nor a centaur Burberry ad, apparently.] Also, Jodie Comer, the absolute queen/sociopathic assassin from Killing Eve. Also, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon together again! Take that, JLo!! As Kate Halliwell of The Ringer tweeted: “The Last Duel will either be the greatest or worst movie in the history of cinema.” Also, the wigs. Oh blessed medeival saints, the wigs.

• Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - Marvel’s first Asian superhero plus more Awkwafina. I have no notes, perfect.

And, if you want some nightmare fuel:

• Lamb. I really don’t think you should watch this except I need someone to confirm I’m not just in a fugue state.

Listening — “The Simone Biles Story and Why the ‘Twisties’ Are So Dangerous” on The Ringer Guide to the Summer Games

It’s the “yips” but for gymnastics. I had never heard this term before! So proud of Simone for her choice, for protecting herself and her team and making the toughest of decisions. [Also this podcast series included an episode on race walking and I don’t know how to explain this but I will go to bat to protect race walking now.]

Also if you haven’t seen it somehow, check out comedian Leslie Jones’ reaction on Instagram.

Looking At — Lady Kitty Spencer’s FIVE (five!) Wedding Dresses!!

Never heard of Princess Diana’s hot niece? Well, now you have.

As if designed in a factory to satisfy all our American fantasies of what a princess should be, Lady Kitty Spencer is part of the British aristocracy, a literal fashion model, 30 years old, and now married to a multi-millionaire who is over twice her age. And for their wedding, which took place in Italy last weekend, she wore at least four, maybe five, dresses. Here are all of them.

P.S. You might also want to catch up on why a lot of people in the fashion industry still have issues with Dolce & Gabbana, whose list of offenses feels like a Choose Your Own Adventure of unique personal triggers. [Personally, I think most fashion brands are pretty problematic.]

Reading

• The Radical Courage of Simone Biles - The New Yorker

• Jason Sudeikis is Having One Hell of a Year - GQ

• Simone Biles is Both the Climber and the Mountain - The Ringer

[I have a one-track mind right now, can you tell?]