This Cake's a Bit Claggy Innit?
The Great British Baking Show is back! Plus, the Queen's Funeral & Foodie Corner
Bake Off is BACK, baby! In honor of our British bakers going absolutely barmy over soggy bottoms, we are doing an almost entirely food and British themed post this week! If you don’t like food or Brits — you’re bum out of luck!
But first: This Thursday is the Official Beginning of Fall. 🍁🍂🍁
As our last farewell to summer, and sticking with our “dining” theme, we are inquiring: What was the “Drink of Summer 2022”?
The Aperol Spritz ruled supreme for a few summers running, and then last year the Espresso Martini toppled her from the throne — thanks, I’m sure, to too many of us watching Below Deck.
But THIS year, Grub Street has courageously posited that there was, in fact, NO drink of the summer! Despite the New York Times HERSELF declaring in early May that it would be the Dirty Shirley! [I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen anybody order a Dirty Shirley in my life? What are we, eight-year-old alcoholics?!]
So, Readers, did you have a drink that defined this summer for you? Or do you agree with Grub Street that this summer had no signature libation? Virgin or tipsy, all are welcome!
I hate to be a basic b*tch, but for me, it was probably the Espresso Martini again. Or TikTok’s 2022 fave, a Lillet Blanc with a single ice cube and an orange slice.
In the News
Patrick Dempsey is in his Barbiecore Era, aka a platinum blonde!
E! News claims he looks “unrecognizable,” but I wouldn’t say that so much as that he looks like “Patrick Dempsey with blonde hair.” But whatever! Also, the gays tell me that when you go platinum blonde, you’re spiraling!! I like that better than the formal explanation: he dyed it for a role in the upcoming Ferrari movie.
Leo DiCaprio is now dating an Older Woman!
The 47-year-old actor [and let’s be honest, he’s an old 47?] is rumored to finally be dating someone older than 25! His new girlfriend, supermodel/Never Have I Ever narrator Gigi Hadid, is a venerable 27. In Jane Austen terms: a disgusting spinster! The journalists who brought us this story want us to know that he is, in fact, “very attracted” to her! Iconoclastic! Radical! Brave.
We’re finally getting Inside Out 2!!!
It will be about the teenage brain! It is Pixar’s first horror movie! [OK that last one was a joke.]
Jennifer Lawrence delivered peak Jennifer Lawrence…
…in a Vogue interview and I forgot how much I missed her. I just hope we don’t do to FloPugh — our new unbothered queen — what we did to JLaw, which was essentially to drive her into hiding. [Remember when everyone was asking HER to apologize when A CRIMINAL leaked her nude photos!?!? I think about that a lot!]
Blake Lively is pregnant with her fourth child with Ryan Reynolds…
…as they continue their religious commitment to repopulate the earth with tall blonde soccer players. This is both terrifying and appealing in equal measure!
ROYAL WATCH - A Tableaux of Family Drama
I’m sorry if you don’t care about royal drama!
The Highlights & Lowlights:
Meghan and Harry are being treated atrociously! FIRST Harry couldn’t wear his military uniform, then Harry COULD wear it. Snip snap! Snip snap! We don’t “officially” know who made the [bad] call not to let Harry wear his uniform, but we know in our hearts it was
KingCharles.Meghan and Harry, Oprah’s Blessed Couple, were seen holding hands in church. Technically, royals aren’t supposed to show PDA on formal occasions, but Harry isn’t an Acting Royal anyways, and GOD FORBID the racists on Twitter let a grandson grieve in peace! [Notably, a white royal couple, Zara and her husband, were also holding hands and no one complained. Hmmm.]
Kate, now known as the Princess of Wales(!!), has arrived as our future queen and said, “On Wednesdays, we wear black!” Her fashion is impeccable.
The “queue” became a story in itself. The queue for regular folk to pay respects to the Queen stretched at least five miles long and had its own YouTube Channel! David Beckham queued for over 13 hours, opting to join the normals! Something I daresay Posh Spice would never!!!
The funeral is Monday and starts at 11:00 a.m. London time—so 6:00 a.m. ET. Yes, Laura Hutton will be awake and watching.
The Great British Bake Off — Week 1 and who will make it to the final three????
Bake Off is back and they’re playing all the hits! We’ve got:
The Saudi Arabian software engineer who loves to Lindy Hop! The Scottish chappie whose accent requires subtitles. The attractive young woman who will define “failing upwards” for a new generation, barely making it through each week, yet inexplicably ending up in the final five. The former staff member for Boris Johnson who makes hand-modeled sugar figurines named “Mr. Froggington.” The teenage baking prodigy who gives off the nervous energy of a captured mouse! The gorgeous, mysterious mother of two! The purple-haired supermarket cashier who composts. The monogamous gay guy! who also happens to be the Talented Foreigner [Polish this time].
And, of course, this season’s new Chigs — aka, The Thirst Trap.
Sandro has the girls and boys besotted. And honestly, my favorite quote of the episode was him saying, “I’m happy with second, yeah. Second is kind of first, innit?” Why YES, second IS kind of first, Sandro! A Glass Half Full man if I ever saw one, innit!?
After just one episode, I have summarily judged this group to be “cute, but less talented than last year.” Not that I could ever in my life use icing sugar to attach a patio roof to a house made of cake, but really—and it pains me to say this—some of those cake houses looked like a four-year-old drew them with a broken Crayola crayon.
BUT—I do already have favourites for the winner and the Final Four/Finalists! Not to brag, but last year I called the winner after the first episode!
Janusz: Unless Janusz has a tragic Jurgen-esque breakdown, he should win it all!
Sandro: Not only is he hot, he’s a gym rat who can make a tiny, perfect sandwich cake with a delicate hand-crafted white rose on top. Unbeatable if not for Janusz?? I bet he’ll struggle on something less decorative like Bread Week, though.
Syabira: She’s my favorite! She’s quirky! She’s lovely! She’s funny and warm! She’s great at baking! I think it’ll be tough for her to make it to the final three [she needs to focus on neatness and timing], but her creativity should push her through! Paul said her red velvet cake was better than his!
Outside Shot: Carol. Carol made a coffee cake with chicory, and it nearly killed Paul. New Orleans salutes you!
Outside Shot: Dawn: Prue especially loves a classic British baker, and nothing says Classic British so much as the “Mr. Froggington” monstrosity Dawn made. Will she and Carol duke it out for the 4th spot?
I’m hooked!!! Who are your picks for Finalists?
Ready. Set. BAKE!
Final Section - Foodie Corner!
Listen, we all watched The Bear and fancy ourselves foodies now. [Or is it just me who recently discovered the joys of watching Ina Garten iron her napkins while insisting she is a laid-back person!!! I live for it, Ina!]
So, in honor of Bake Off and The Bear, here are a few foodie things I’ve been excited by lately!
Emily’s Famous Nguyen Sauce
As a loyal Armchair Expert listener, I kept hearing about the Emmy Burger at Emily’s — so I finally trekked out to Brooklyn to try for myself! 100% worth it!
My friend Leya has the Emily cookbook and sent me the recipe for the famous sauce:
Amaury Guichon’s Instagram
Did you, like me, watch Is It Cake and think, “I love this, but take out all the talking”??
I could watch this man make objects from chocolate all day. That purse is 100% edible.
Japanese Food Artist Tomei’s Crystal Clear Desserts
If you’ve never wanted to taste a cloud, did you even have a childhood??
100 Tips For Eating Out In NYC
Grub Street’s writer-in-residence is visiting as many New York restaurants as she can in a year, and these are her tips after hitting 200 of them. My favorite two:
“Truffles are cheugy.”
“If you don’t have a reservation, the best time to show up at any restaurant is 9:15 p.m. (The early rush will be winding down, but the kitchen will still be open.)”
I think your picks for GBBO are spot on. The types are all represented! The question is, who is Paul Hollywood’s favorite this year? Hint: it’s ALWAYS a man.
Ok I finally watched GBBO episode 1 and came back to read!! My faves to win/make it to top 5: Janusz, Sandro, and Abdul (I think he had episode 1 nerves this time but seems suuuuper talented??!). But also Syabira, Carol, Dawn, and the Scottish chappie all gave me “why I love GBBO so much” feels, so I hope they go farrrr!!