Westeros putting Maury out of a job

House of the Dragon Power Rankings - Ep. 6 "The Princess and the Queen"

Spoilers!

Women Supporting Women is out, Girl on Girl Crime is in.

Welcome to Westeros Whiplash! Episode 6 felt like the pilot of a whole new show, though I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way.

If the time jump works for you, it’s kind of like when you start The Silver Chair and you’re like, “OK, who the hell is Jill, where are the Pevensies, and, wait, is Caspian old????” But then it becomes your favorite book of the Chronicles of Narnia!

If the time jump doesn’t work for you, it’s more like the “Changes for Rhaenyra” book in her American Girl Collection and we all know those were tough. You accept them, but you don’t want to.

I’m not attached to the new characters yet, but I loved how the opening scene walked us through the new world — with a continuous shot from the birth scene to the title credits. We literally walked with Rhaenyra and Laenor through the castle, seeing their life “between the scenes,” what they’re like now, how they interact, and what’s going on all around them. I loved how they didn’t explain anything, they just started right in. With each scene, we developed a richer understanding of how much time had passed and who these people have become.

I’d love to hear: How did you feel about the time jump? Excited? Discomfitted? Waiting to see?

On to the rankings! We’ve got 12 this week.

#1 Larys Strong

The man behind the curtain

Larys told the Queen, “I already started eating,” and he meant that in every way!

“Truth has many flavors, your Grace,” he said while sipping her wine at her private table.

Alicent has obviously taken her guard down around him, showing him emotion nobody else gets to see, and it’s stressing me out. Like, you gotta ask what his motive is! He’s not loyal to anyone but himself and the present opportunity! He burned a whole castle of people and then is like, “Well you owe me one”!?

However, it does appear she’s gonna get Otto back.

#2 Queen Alicent Hightower

Alicant getting a picture of Rhaenyra and writing, “This. Girl. Is. The. Nastiest. Skank. Bitch. I. Have. Ever. Met. Do. Not. Trust. Her. She. Is. A. Fugly. Slut.”

Somebody call in Math Teacher Tina Fey to give these women a talking to!!

Alicent has gone full Evil Stepmother, Mean Girl Ascendant, Girl on Girl Crime. She is playing all the hits: She is slut-shaming! She is creating a hostile work environment for nursing moms! She is NOT knocking before entering the bedroom of her horny teenage son! She is disrespecting the elderly! She is lamenting, “Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?”

Anyhoo, looks like I’m packing up my “#TeamAlicent” picket signs and going home. But—she’s still the most interesting character. She’s been traumatized and abused by the oppressive patriarchal system that runs their lives. And—as so often happens—the victim has learned to use those tools of oppression with aplomb. Her bitterness has calcified into a furious, calculating hatred, and she’s willing to reverse-engineer all her former values to allow for…whatever it takes, really! [Even if outwardly she still protests at literal arson/murder of an entire castle of folks.]

It’s wild to see her lecture her son on his need to stop being a blithering idiot when you realize that he’s probably the same age she was when her own father told her to put on a pretty dress and go comfort the grieving king. She didn’t have to be told twice, like Aegon obviously does.

Alicent’s best Mean Girl quotes:

• “She expects for me to marry my only daughter to one of her plain-featured sons.” Plain-featured sons!!!

• “You may do as you wish, Husband. When I am cold in my grave.”

• Crowning Regina George achievement: “Sooner or later, you might get one who looks like you.” Reader, I trembled!

#3 Laena Velaryon

I fell in love with you, and for what.

I have my new favorite character, and SPOILER, she’s already dead. First Rhea Royce, now Laena?? It’s giving Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA!

But let’s talk about how this badass woman turned Daemon into a mild scholar? Let’s talk about how this badass woman hurt the city of Philadelphia’s feelings when she said, “We are not minstrels and mummers”! Let’s talk about how this badass woman got Vhagar out of retirement!

Remember how we talked about Vhagar, the “missing dragon living by herself ‘somewhere along the coast’”? Vhagar is one of the most legendary dragons, ridden by Queen Visenya when the Targaryens conquered Westeros. In fact, Laena herself asked Viserys about Vaghar in Episode 2 during their pedophile betrothal walk chat.

In other words, she sets her sights on what she wants, and she gets it. May she rest in power.

[Also, she’s WAY too hot to be in HotD, and I hope she immediately books a role as the new female James Bond.]

#4 King Viserys

I have never been more shocked than when this man walked, alive, into Episode 6.

STILL ALIVE AND KICKING, BABY!!!! He may look like the Undead, but he is absolutely living and breathing, and for that we must respect him!

He also seems…pretty happy?? This man loves holding a baby grandchild. He loves watching the kids play in the yard. He is so happy Rhaeny decided to be a mom and he has no idea that his devoted wife is actively plotting his daughter’s and grandchildren’s destruction.

Let him live in his happy little world, I guess! He’s the kind of man who calls women “the gentler sex” but is himself softer than a feather pillow. Let’s let him be happy for now? Blissfully unaware that these grandchildren will all murder each other one day.

Viserys and Alicent

#5 Rhaenyra Targaryen

Classic Rhaenyra getting distracted by the d*** and not keeping her head in the game! Who does it remind me of? Oh right, Uncle Daemon. 🙄

The relationship between Rhaenyra and Alicent is the best part of this show, and Alicant has always been mentally several steps ahead of Rhaeny, while Rhaeny has benefitted from inherited power. The tables seem to be turning now!

I found it fascinating that, as a young woman, Rhaenyra felt like she kind of owned the world. But now that she’s become a mother, she is finally starting to realize the weight of survival. It’s not that she wasn’t smart before — she made her dad take Otto off the table, after all — but she just wasn’t all that concerned with shoring up her defenses.

It seems those sweet summer days are now over. [Though how it took her 10 years and THREE BROWN-HEADED CHILDREN to realize she needs to hatch a frigging strategy honestly baffles me!]

#6 Ser Criston Cole

Wow, Criston has become a real d*ckhead, huh? When he called Rhaeny “a brazen and relentless spider who stings and sucks her prey dry. A spoiled c***”…I literally gasped!?

This man does not know how to let go! [I realize that’s a shitty thing for me to say!] Let’s get this straight — Rhaeny treated him abominably. But isn’t he giving a just a little bit Guy Who Can’t Get Over Being Friendzoned?

Ugh, am I gaslighting Criston right now!?? Am I the problem??

We don’t exactly love to see the changes in Criston, but we can respect a student of the political craft. His moves against Harwin worked — to devastating results.

#7 Daemon Targaryen

Not a great dad, but his daughters are delights.

Daemon Targaryen, the scholar!?? The man of…books??! This is like finding out the Joker has a membership at the local library?

It must be said that he has spiraled into being a distant, alcoholic father. “Father ignores me,” says his precious daughter who deserves so much better! Shocking that Daemon is visiting his same childhood wounds upon his own children!? Therapy is IN SESSION. If only Westeros/Pentos had therapy.

He and Laena seemed to have a good thing going, even if he was going through some major depression. But now I am CERTAIN that he will eventually be marrying Rhaenyra. Bye-bye, Laenor.

#8 Laenor Velaryon

A nice guy! A pretty boy! Winking at sailors! A caring but distinctly uninvolved father!

I gotta say, the fact that he did not make a single kid with Rhanyra is like, Dude! The whole arrangement was to make babies and then have fun elsewhere! Looks like all he heard was “have fun elsewhere”? Or maybe he was like, “You got my boyfriend killed, so I don’t have to do anything.” However, he and Rhaenyra seem to at least have an honest marriage, as his parents did. They air their grievances, share disagreements, and find a compromise. I like that he listens to her.

#9 Aegon Targaryen

Gross.

This guy is a prick. Eustace Scrubb before the dragon thing.

#10 Rhaenyra’s Three Definitely Legitimate, Nothing Amiss, All Good Here! Boys

Nothing to see here! Just two silver-haired kids!

Honestly, even though I can’t stand Aegon, it does suck that the cousins have zero shot at ever being friends and are definitely probably going to kill one another.

Also, when Rhaenyra and Daemon have kids [which no one can tell me isn’t what’s going to happen], it’s not gonna be great for the brown-headed bastards?

All that to say—This is a Prince Harry situation if I ever saw one! And if you don’t know about or believe the obviously true theory that Charles isn’t Harry’s father, well! you’re pulling a real Viserys right now!

Genetics in Westeros and the Royal Family: Kids have their dad’s hair color, period end of sentence. Maury would be out of business!

#11 Lyonel Strong

“Your advice has been sage, unmarked by self-interest, which stands in contrast to all others.” -King Viserys to Lyonel, right before Lyonel went up in smoke

I guess you can’t be right when you’re dead. Swan song for Lyonel, our truest, most trustworthy friend. “His honor has always been a millstone around his esteemed neck.”

*plays “Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel*

#12 Harwin Strong

Proud Friend of the Baby! A mere supportive Friend!

Oh, dear sweet summer Harwin. Say goodbye to the original Boy of Summer, the sweet, dumb Harwin Breakbones.

Harwin, you were a good dad, you made the princess happy [I mean, that’s a lot of kids in 10 years?!], and we are sad to see you go. Way too easily outplayed by Criston, though. Embarrassing.

And that’s our rankings, folks! Drop a comment so I know how you feel! 🐉