All Hail Rose Byrne!
Plus my bday trip to THE Olive Garden
This weekend Ben and I have been binge-watching Season 2 of The Bear; expect my histrionic takes next week! This week we’re talking soccer, the Times Square Olive Garden, the Jennifers Affleck, Leo + Tobey, and my favorite Rose Byrne projects.
Hi Friends! It’s been a real on-again-off-again summer with this Substack as we’ve had lots of travel and family and life to focus on. My current relationship with Sitting My A** Down and Writing has become much like Kelly and Ryan in The Office. Are they on a break? Will Ryan ever come back from New York? Will I be reduced to Kelly Kapoor-level mind games to entrap my noncommital brain into a marital/writing commitment? Who knows!
In the fortnight since we have last gathered here together, I turned 35! [Don’t tell my ovaries! lol fml rofml!] For my birthday, I went to see the hysterical Heather McMahan at Radio City Music Hall and I ALSO chose to follow the corniest desires of my heart and eat dinner at the Times Square Olive Garden.
You might be thinking, “An Olive Garden in Times Square? Lame!” Well, friend, ten years ago I would’ve agreed with you. Ah, how life changes us.
I’ve now lived in NYC for two months short of a decade and felt it was finally time to cross the threshold of the flickering, shopworn beacon of American Exceptionalism, the Times Square Olive Garden. Perhaps my desire was tinged with irony, but I’d like to think it was also kind of pure. Olive Garden is super nostalgic for me; we used to go every year for Mother’s Day. Plus, unlimited breadsticks!
FACTS: It was just as depressing and washed-up as you might imagine — and yet, to me, it was perfect. I experienced pure, real, childish delight! It’s all about going with the right group of people. 🖤 1
[Also, that free salad is the best salad in the world; Eat your heart out, Via Carota!]
So, let’s hear it: What’s on your weird, personal, nostalgic, it-sounds-stupid-but-you-would-love-it-earnestly item on your Bucket List? Renew your vows on the Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point? Get a souvenir cup from every baseball stadium in America? Kiss on the purely decorative Popeyes balcony? Let us into your world!
In the News
Ted Lasso may be over, but get ready to re-enter Soccer Mania!! Dust off your American flags and brush up on your fútbol terms, because the 2023 Women’s World Cup is happening in Australia and New Zealand starting July 20!
The U.S. Women are going for a three-peat, y’all! What could bring our divided country together more than red-blooded patriotism PLUS Megan Rapinoe winning trophies!? I submit: Nothing!
Also, as a self-identified “jock princess” [my friend Clara’s term for “bougie but enjoys sports”], I really enjoyed the celebrity-studded intro to our roster featuring Taylor Swift, Issa Rae, Gabrielle Union, Tina Fey, Megan Thee Stallion, and more!Father’s Day happened, and I’m obsessed with the current and former Mrs. Jennifers Affleck (Lopez & Garner) showing the full spectrum of what a woman can be.
JLo posted a [Shirtless? Nude?? Definitely NSFW!] thirst trap of her hubby Ben Affleck captioned “Daddy Appreciation Post.” The word “Daddy” doing a lot of work here.
Meanwhile, Jennifer Garner posted the most fully-clothed picture ever taken! In a CHURCH, no less! Her postscript celebrated Affleck, the father of her children: “no one loves their kids like you love ours.” *a single tear*
Ben Affleck clearly made a deal with God to marry only Jennifers, as long as those Jennifers resembled each other in zero ways. [Other than being strong-ass women who know their own minds and built their own careers!]
Leonardo DiCaprio confirmed that the most important relationship in his life is not his ongoing affair with women under 25, but rather, former Spider-Man Tobey Maguire.
Y’all! They got MATCHING FRIENDSHIP NECKLACES with WOLVES on them! I can only assume to evoke a “Wolf Pack”? [Better than their mid-2000s nickname as the P**** P****.] They’re even wearing matching outfits! I’m dead! This is peak “Girl Who Bullied You in High School Marries the Love of Her Life” behavior!
That headline again: “Two men in their late 40s celebrate their decades-long friendship by wearing matching Friendship Necklaces.”
Rose Byrne Celebration Post: My Favorite Rose Byrne Roles
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I spoke of this last week in our Summer TV Preview: Rose Byrne is one of my Hall Passes. In the sense I will watch anything that has her in it just because she’s there.
Have you ever had an actor or performer you felt you personally discovered for YOURSELF one day? Like, not only could you track that they were talented and special, but somehow they also uniquely spoke YOUR language, tickled YOUR funny bone?
Rose Byrne is one of mine. [Along with Taika Waititi and Keke Palmer, who, unfortunately for me, are everyone’s!] In other words: If I was cool enough to be the kind of woman who yells, “That’s my GIRL!” I would yell it about Rose Byrne.
All that to say, she has two fantastic shows out right now, so I’m taking a moment to appreciate my favorite Rose Byrne roles, starting with the new ones!
Platonic on AppleTV+ (out now!)
Rose Byrne playing a normal [though impossibly pretty] mom who’s just trying to navigate a mid-life crisis alongside her platonic best friend, Seth Rogen, who is a “brewmaster” at a local restaurant? Sign me up!!
As I said last week:
I love a hot girl who is also funny? Like, what trauma have you lived through, hunny!? You are so important to the world!
The world wants us to hate funny hot girls — but I choose not to be of this world.
I love this show! Ben loves it, too!
[Family Note: This isn’t safe for kids, but it doesn’t have as much sex as, say, Shrinking did.]
Physical (2021 and Season 2 now)
This outstanding show is billed as a dark comedy, but I’d instead call it a frequently-hysterical dark drama about a woman with an eating disorder struggling to find meaning in an insufferable marriage and directionless life.
The meaning she finds? AEROBICS!!!!!
And I mean like peak Jane Fonda sparkling bodysuit big hair jazzercize aerobics. Juicy!!
Ben and I watched season 1 and really enjoyed it and I’ve heard that season 2 — which features new cast members like Murray Bartlett — is even better! Rose Byrne is brilliant in it.
[Family Note: This is not safe for kids. Swearing, sex, drugs, and serious mental health themes. TW for eating disorders.]
Bridesmaids (2011)
The only thing I need to say about Bridesmaids is if you haven’t watched it recently, why not queue up your rewatch now??
My original Love At First Sight moment with Rose Byrne was when she laugh-sobs, “No, I’m not really an ugly crier.” Right then, I knew it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship one-way crush.
Spy (2015)
Why isn’t every movie this movie???? I want every movie to be this movie.
Along with Rose Byrne playing an arms dealer, we have Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Jude Law, Bobby Cannavale, the hot lady from Firefly who plays Deadpool’s Dead Girlfriend, Allison Janney, and the too-perfect-for-this-world Miranda Hart!
Outstandingly entertaining! 10/10!
Neighbors (2014)
Is Zac Efron the main reason I love this movie?
Yes.
BUT Rose Byrne as Seth Rogen’s sensible yet rage-filled wife is one of the magical pieces that make this such an unexpectedly good watch.
That’s all for this week, folks! As always, thank you SO much for being here and I would love, love to hear your thoughts on it all. A [🖤] also goes a long way to help me grow!
Another similar thing I did recently was going with my sister, nephews, and niece to The Big Texan in Amarillo, “home of the 72-oz steak,” and the weirdest, trippiest, corniest place in a very corny state. It was some of the most zany fun I’ve had in my travels this year!
I simply ADORE that you went to the OG in Times Square for your bday. It is somehow so New York and so cheesy tourist at the same time. I always think of Olive Garden as OG since Kimmy Schmidt uttered one of the best product placement lines, “There’s an OG in Durnsville?!”
My that-thing on my bucket list is to visit the LEGO headquarters in Denmark. They’ve got every set ever made in an archive, tiny LEGO chef at the food spot, chances to build! It’s everything me.
Loving your complete rewriting of the definition for Hall Pass haha. My “I loved her when” is Kathryn Hahn - she was my BAE when Crossing Jordan was on. She played funny and heartwarming and complicated so sincerely and well.
BRB going to rewatch both Spy and Bridesmaids. You are absolutely correct - Rose is ELITE.
SPY! I feel seen!!!!! I love this movie. The way you described finding an actor that's like FOR YOU, that's how I feel about this movie. "Why isn't every movie this movie?!" I honestly can't tell if it's a guilty pleasure or an undiscovered gem bc I have absolutely no perspective when it comes to this film because I love it too much. And I'm convinced Jason Statham missed his calling as a bonified comedic actor.
Also my guilty pleasure is the jello wall at Piccadilly. #Noshame.