House of the Dragon Power Rankings - FINALE! "The Black Queen"
She don't start shit, but she can tell you how it ends.
Spoilers!
You’re telling me I have to wait TWO YEARS to see the scorched-earth campaign of terror This Face is going to unleash upon the Seven Kingdoms!?!?
That facial expression alone is an act of WAR — it is an Oscar WIN👏🏼NER👏🏼 [the theatre kids are screaming, crying, throwing up!] — but couldn’t we get at least ONE Daenerys-level Beast Mode before the two-year drought that stretches before us???Now we have to wait until the Year of our Lord 2024 when we can’t even remember the name of that sweet little puppy-faced kid that got chomped?? Where is the justice!?
So begins our Countdown to the Primal Mother’s Rage. Now our Watch begins.
So I thought the ending was a little anticlimactic [More on that when we rank poor dead Lucerys.]. But still—What a show! It’s giving Greek tragedy! It’s giving Shakespearean comedy of errors! It’s giving those Seinfeld episodes where everything could’ve been solved if they just had cell phones! It’s giving This could have been an email!
Alicent and Rhaenyra both fought to avert war, and yet accidents, miscommunications, misunderstandings, rogue dragons who are feeling themselves, and teenagers with their underdeveloped brains sent everyone toward destruction. Alas!
On to our rankings! It’s a big one this week — Let’s survey the whole board, shall we?
#1: M*****F***ing Dragons
“The idea that we control the dragons is an illusion. They’re a power man should never have trifled with.”
-King Viserys Targaryen
This is all inarguably Viserys’ fault, but our guy sure was right about the dragons! They’re nukes with mood swings!
Speaking of mood swings, I hate to repeat myself, but as I have said: Vhagar did NOT get enough paid leave on that beach to deal with her PTSD and learn to love herself. All that toxicity is coming out sideways! Not to quibble with Viserys, but I think Vhagar would’ve obeyed Laena OR Rhaena — she’s just not happy with the man she chose!
Anyways, dragons always win.
#2: Our QUEEN Rhaenyra (last ranked: #4)
“There’s that idea that you would die for your lover, but kill for your children.”
-Emma D’Arcy
Can someone give this woman a freakin’ BREAK!?!? She’s literally just trying to hold the realm together while also having a baby while also grieving her father while also grieving her stillborn daughter while also grieving Luke while also keeping her best friend from killing her kids! Can these mans [Daemon, Otto, Aemund] just stop and chill the testosterone party for like literally two seconds!?!
Also: I don’t always like Trigger Warnings, but that miscarriage needed one. People who have experienced stillbirths and miscarriages should NOT walk into that blind. That was so heavy.
That said, I’ve seen a lot of complaints saying graphic depictions of childbirth are exploitive of women . . . but I completely disagree?? If it feels gratuitous or pornographic or exploitative, obviously. But we have a hundred thousand movies glorifying male suffering and survival and so few showing women suffering and surviving on their own gory, gritty terms as Rhaenyra did. I’m for it. MAYBE I’M THE PROBLEM!
You know what Rhaenyra deserves?? Her best friend back! These men are doing nothing for her!!! Thank goodness for the next person on our power rankings…
#3: Rhaenys (last ranked: #1)
Outwit - Outplay - Outlast!! Queen supporting Queen!! Who is your favorite character on the show and why is it Rhaenys!?
She said, “Honey, I’m not bowing until you show me you’re better than these boys.” And Rhaenyra DID THAT. The female alliance we deserve.
Hats off to Rhaenys, the only person on this show not in a toxic relationship with power and/or the man in her life. [And yes, we are going to slide right over her little act of terrorism on the commoners last week!]
#4: “Dowager” Queen Alicent (last ranked: #2)
I can just imagine Alicent’s “Am I the Asshole?” (AITA) post on Reddit:
AITA for not letting my high-school BFF’s psycho husband kill all my kids just so she can be Queen?
Okay, so when I was 14, my dad made me marry his 65-year-old boss which sucked, but it was better than most marriages in my culture so I was like Okay fine, dad is taking care of me! But turns out he was just using me to overthrow his boss’s daughter and take over the company! Now, thanks to my asshole dad, Crazy Uncle Daemon (male 51) is going to kill my kids so his neice (female 34) who is also his wife can take over!
But is it MY fault the king decided to impregnate me, a 14-year-old who was also his daughter’s best friend!?? I don’t think I deserve to die just bc all the men in my life frigging SUCK!
AM I THE ASSHOLE for cutting out my BFF so my kids and I don’t get murdered??
Anyhoo! Think what you want!
Alicent is closing out at a strong fourth place because, despite Aemund’s massive f*ck-up, she’s still controlling the board. Even Otto is in line with her plan, shniveling over to Dragonstone with Alicent’s little paper plea for peace.
#5: Corlys Velaryon (last ranked: #8)
Points for listening to your wife! Points for raising strong daughters! We celebrate this man!
#6: Daemon (last ranked: #2)
People will really let Daemon get away with grooming his underage niece and bludgeoning his lesbian wife to death and then be like, “Step on my throat, Toxic King!” Daemon leans against a wall and the Internet drops its *******! Daemon’s High Valerian Choirboy act is blinding us all! Everyone, go straight to therapy!!
Major props to Matt Smith for chewing up this role — though if you’ve been a Matt Smith fan as long as I have, you know this is the primary role he plays: Manic Pixie Chaos Agent.
Anyhoo, in the finale, Daemon the Scholar showed up again with some complex Dragon Maths, and Daemon the Dragon Farmer was also here tallying up his beloved eggs!
Unfortunately, it was Chaotic-Evil Daemon who won the day. The only person he ever truly loved is dead [RIP Viserys], so he’s left to deal with his grief in the only way he knows: f*ck sh*it up. Since there’s no one in the immediate vicinity to de-torso, he instead strangles his partner after she nearly died delivering his baby while he was out trying to stir up some light murders making decisions she asked him not to! BAD!!!
However. Now that Rhaenyra is on the warpath and somebody needs to stomp Aemund, I think he’ll settle into the job nicely.
#7: Jace Velaryon (last ranked: #12)
Jace is showing some toxic traits for the first time, but at least he’s using them to stand up to Daemon to protect his mother’s wishes. Rhaenyra trusts him, and that’s good enough for me! I hope our sweet summer child takes out some Hightowers before he dies!
#8: Rhaena & Baela Targaryen (last ranked: #9)
I wanted SO BADLY to put them higher up the ranking, but they haven’t been able to do much yet—and that’s on the show’s writers!!! We are ready to see these two young women UNLEASH FIRE ON THEIR ENEMIES!!!
The way that Aemund stole Rhaena’s dragon AND her betrothed!?? I hope she gets to murder his ass!!
#9: Ser Erryk Cargyll (last ranked: #8)
This man is a feminist. This man is not threatened by his female boss. This man tells his female coworkers what he’s being paid. This man tells his mother he loves her. We stan this man!
#10: King Aegon (last ranked: #12)
I mean, he’s King, so he’s not last. Plus, he did seem legitimately thrilled when the masses cheered for him last episode. But methinks this little drunk rapist/bully is mostly suffering.
#11: Otto (last ranked: #10)
It delights me to say that this was a bad episode for Otto! Alicent has him crawling over the Dragonstone requesting peace instead of riding in on a beheading mission.
The way Rhaenyra shut him all the way down! I loved how this was such a mirror of his episode-2 face-off with Daemon that Rhaenyra also FIN-ISHED.
#12: Aemund “Oopsies” Targaryen (last ranked: #3)
Our boy really messed this up! He just killed his nephew! Being a “Kinslayer” is, uh, NOT GOOD in this world! What happened to his whole “I lost an eye, but I gained a dragon” speech? Where are we on that, AEMUND?
Nothing feels more simultaneously plausible AND Shakespearean as a teenage boy starting a World War on accident. These teens with their hormones and their uncooked brains! When I was a teenager, I regularly switched out CDs from one of those CD books while driving 80 mph down the interstate and holding coffee! I’m not saying it’s the same, but I AM saying maybe teens shouldn’t be trusted to operate heavy machinery! Like a car OR a dragon.
Daemon is coming for you, kid. WATCH. OUT.
#13: Dear Sweet Lucerys Velaryon (last ranked: #12)
"Lucerys Velaryon died with his dragon. And with his death, the war of ravens and envoys and marriage pacts came to an end, and the war of fire and blood began in earnest."
-George R. R. Martin, Fire & Blood
Y’all, I have been calling these boys’ deaths from Day One. So this was not a surprise, but gosh, did it suck! Rhaenyra has been through TOO MUCH in the last 24 hours!
Counterpoint: All respect to Lucerys because it was very sad when he died, and I’m gonna look bad for saying this, but . . . his death didn’t have the emotional heft of a Game of Thrones death. Ned Stark? Ygritte? The Red Wedding? Khal Drogo? Oberyn?? Part of the problem in HotD is changing actors, but mostly that you can see the deaths coming from a thousand miles away. In one way, it’s nice! Less trauma! But it lowers the stakes and makes it…anticlimactic? Sorry to Luke and his mom for saying this! This was a terrible tragedy! 🙏🏼
Love this recap! Hard to say who my favorite character was, but I may have to go with Viserys. Yes he was the source of the problems, but I loved the portrayal of the monarch who is just trying to hold it all together while fulfilling his duty, but also bucking tradition and naming his daughter as his heir. So complex! I'll miss him next season.
I agree that Luc's death lacked some emotional heft as compared to some GOT deaths. Overall, this show is missing some hallmark GOT elements - humor, exploring multiple lands and houses and how they interplay, epic journeys, House Lannister. Because it's all focused on one house there is a sameness to the characters and world that made it hard for me to get invested. I'm hoping Season 2 will venture out into more of Westeros.
HOWEVER this show is strong in the slow build toward war and getting into the nitty gritty of this family and their motivations, maneuvering, politics, conflicts, friendships. I LOVE all that stuff, a la Spielberg's Lincoln, Succession, House of Cards, and many others I'm forgetting. If I stop comparing HOtD to GOT so much, I can enjoy it in its own right. And overall, I enjoyed it a lot more than RoP!
(Apologies for all my tense-shifting in this comment).
“Who is your favorite character on the show and why is it Rhaenys!?“ 100% my favorite terrorist.
Matt Smith as “manic pixie chaos agent” is the most apt description I’ve ever read of anyone ever. 😂😂
I get what you mean about this ending not having the weight of GoT. I’m with you. But that ending watching Lucerys fear-tortured then killed — it came in with that GoT ability to make me absolutely LOATHE someone and want to see their head on a spike! 😬 Maybe cuz I have young boys — I was totally like, “NO NO NO NO NO” that whole scene!! And only Rhaenyra’s face at the end offered any rage-filled balm to my devastated soul!