🗣 Karma is my boyfriend!

Reactions to Taylor Swift's Midnights + Scary Movies That Aren't *Too* Scary

Who’s ready for HALLOWEEEEEEN!!!

Last winter, I impulse-bought a cheap version of Princess Diana’s “revenge dress” with the hand-waving justification that I would “wear it for Halloween next year.” Readers, I have nowhere to wear it for Halloween! But should I go ahead and buy a Diana wig, too, and just wear it on my couch?? Yes or no, please leave a comment!

Truly, with this week’s drop of Taylor’s album plus The Crown Season 5 trailer, NOTHING in life is more relevant—nay, important!—than Diana’s Revenge Dress.

Emily 💫 @emjrasmussen

The only person I think of when I hear Taylor Swift sing “I don't dress for women, I don't dress for men / Lately I've been dressing for revenge” RIP Princess Di, you would have loved Vigilante Shit

Anyhoo, lately I’ve been indulging in my annual October tradition of reading scary movie plots on Wikipedia. Nothing is more enjoyable or legitimately baffling to me than reading gruesome devil shite in the dry, straightforward language of a weekday grocery list!

The protagonists blandly “observe” and calmly “inform” each other of ghastly rituals and grisly massacres, they leap without any anchoring context from one location [inside the house, at the hospital, in the car] to the next [the playground, the crawlspace under the nursery, the treehouse that is also a witch’s coven!], and they engage in Satanic orgies with a particularly endearing and plodding persistence.

For scaredy-cats like me, Wikipedia is the horror movie gift that keeps on giving. Will I ever watch Hereditary? Likely not! But I sure as hell know how it ends!!

Whether you’re a fellow scaredy-cat or a hardened horror connoisseur, I’d love to hear your favorite go-to horror films or some of the best ones you’ve watched (or read about on Wikipedia!) recently. What qualifies as “good horror” for you?

Watching - The Midnight Club and other scary stuff I’m not too scared of

The Midnight Club: warm, earnest, deep, creative. Good! But not GREAT.

As previously discussed, my mind is a temple, and my mental health is a trapeze act, so no, I don’t do scary stuff very often. [Hence, the Wikipedia of it all.] But I do enjoy a good horror flick from time to time, and this month, we’ve been watching the new Mike Flanagan show, The Midnight Club.

It’s good so far! Not as good as some of Flanagan’s other Netflix horrors [which I’ll call out below], but still intriguing and not very scary. What I love about Flanagan’s horror is that it’s always about empathy, connection, love, family, fear of loss, shame, and guilt—all the things that [I’m about to be corny as hell] ✨make us human.✨ Call me Basic, but I appreciate having “a greater meaning” if I’m gonna be scared senseless.

Here are a few of my other “scary but not too scary” recommendations:

• Bodies Bodies Bodies for rent on-demand: Ben and I watched this last night, and it was not scary! But it was quite bloody and stressful, and there were a lot of drugs, so you’ve been warned! While it was simple and predictable, it pulled off deliciously clever satire, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Also: Pete Davidson!

• Yellowjackets: Some of the most fun I’ve had watching scary TV ever! My review here.

• Fresh on Hulu: I recommended Fresh earlier this year: “A shockingly fun horror romp. It’s kind of Get Out but for women [can I say that?], and has the same fun, vampy, slasher energy of Yellowjackets.”

• The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix: Ben and I are big fans of Mike Flanagan’s ongoing Netflix horror serieses. [Series plural?] But the original, Haunting of Hill House, is definitely the best — and scariest.

• Midnight Mass on Netflix: Another from Mike Flanagan’s Netflix repertoire that I first reviewed last year. This one has an added layer of religious depth that anyone in or from religion will likely find satisfying.

• Archive 81 on Netflix: Ever wondered if that handsome, perfectly-pressed man from Jurassic World Dominion has done anything else ? Here you go! To quote myself, the show is about “a guy who restores old videotapes and starts unraveling what seems to be, in technical terms, some freaky woo-woo demon sh*t.” Fun!

Listening - I mean, obviously, it’s Taylor Swift!

Taylor Swift bravely asks the question: “What if we never let ANYTHING go EVER?” Taylor’s Enneagram 4 Wing looks deep into your eyes and whispers, “What if we treated feelings as facts?” Taylor gathers us up in her willowy arms and says softly, “Together, we’ll destroy everyone who has ever hurt you.”

It’s effective!!! And her new album, Midnights . . . has been growing on me? The album sounds to me very much like Reputation and Folklore had a music baby. And to be honest: I’m a Red Swiftie. I’m a Dear John Swiftie. I’m a call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest Swiftie. I’m still waiting for her to make her next 1989. Taylor pre-2017 is NO SKIPS. Ever since Reputation (2017), in my opinion, let’s just say there have been SOME skips.

But that doesn’t even matter! Taylor has achieved that god-like level of success where she can pretty much drop whatever she wants, and the girlies [me!] are gonna lap it right up! And Taylor is nothing if not a MAXIMALIST. I mean, why release one album when you can release three similar ones? Why release 12 original songs when you could release 60+ songs that are derivative of other sad-white-girl-music like Billie Eilish + early 2000s indie bands pretty fun!?

• Case in Point: Three hours after dropping her new album Midnights on Friday, she dropped Midnights (3am Edition), which has 7 extra Why-but-also-Why-Not songs!

• Second Case in Point: She marketed this album with four unique vinyls that if you buy all four [of—I cannot emphasize this enough—the EXACT SAME SONGS], you can hang them up on your wall like a clock! And to that the fans literally said, “Take all of our money, Taylor!!!!”

All that to say: “Karma” is a BOP. And when I sign off I’ll be relistening to “Anti-Hero,” “Maroon,” and “Bejeweled” a [redacted] number of times. ✌🏼

Bake Off Corner - “I am well annoyed!”

Can somebody check on Baking?? I haven’t heard from her lately! Baking is absolutely sitting in her bedroom wondering when Bake Off is going to stop ignoring her and start putting her to work! Baking’s boyfriend is playing video games all day and not speaking to her! Baking is tired of being passed over for tacos, for pizza, for s’mores! THESE THINGS ARE NOT BAKING!!!!

S’more about the s’mores: When Paul criticized several of them for being—and I quote—“messy,” I turned in my GBBO Union card for good. [Just kidding, I will never stop watching this show.] The British: Let’s take something fun and messy and For Kids™️ and apply stringent rules and rigid customs upon it! UNIFORMITY! ORDER! MONARCHY!

In the words of my friend Kayla:

period end of sentence!!!

That said, this week I did love the Halloween theme, the apple cakes, and the lantern showstoppers — and we got TWO handshakes!

Some takeaways:

• I swear, sometimes Paul does a little bump with his morning tea and turns into a cheery, bouncy, handshake slut! He’s always giving them out in bunches! And honestly, I find it cheap!

• Was I on PTO when the world agreed that we’d all just be chill about eating whole crickets in a piece of candy? I’m so behind!

• The whole point of some episodes is how hard it is to make caramel—then you’ll get an episode where Abdul makes shards of caramel flame, and they’re just like, “whatever, that’s nice, I guess”????

• I am really done with Self-Proclaimer Sandro. My patience has run out. Oh, really, you’re a “rebel by nature”?? How about just making the damn cake! Also, he and Janusz don’t give two sh*ts about anyone else in that tent, and it shows.

• Is it just me, or is there not a lot of chemistry between the bakers?? I miss last season when everyone was literally mad for each other and emotionally enmeshed in each other’s lives to an unhealthy and glorious degree.

Anyways, Syabira finally got her Star Baker!!! We said goodbye to my least favorite person remaining! Overall, a great week!

Cheers! Drop a comment and let me know your thoughts on Tay’s album, scary movies, your Halloween plans, or just whether you’re reading and enjoying! 🎃