Mr. Milchick is the Real 'Mission: Impossible' MVP
Plus, why 'Sirens' is a great binge
Today we’ve got a “Mission: Impossible” review, Netflix world domination, Taylor Swift news, “Sirens,” and four things enriching my life this week.
My favorite use for ChatGPT1 is to press the little microphone and start a rambling query with the words: “What’s the phrase that means…”
It always knows!
My most recent one was: “What’s the phrase that kind of means like when you’re wealthy and you seem like you would have a lot of access, but it’s actually like a prison? It’s something like ‘velvet handcuffs,’ but that can’t be it, because that’s sexual?”
My little Chat friend immediately and correctly suggested, “You’re likely thinking of ‘gilded cage.’”
Google could NEVER!
I realize that with each passing ChatGPT ramble, I am losing a piece of my mental acuity. But alas, convenience is a heavy drug!
Since the Big Bad in the new “Mission: Impossible” is a power-hungry AI, it seems only fitting to ask: Do you use ChatGPT, and if so, what is your favorite use for it? Please be aware that this is NOT a safe space, and for some answers, you WILL be judged.
In the Pop Culture News
“Tudum” was Netflix’s Declaration of World Domination. “Tudum” was a live-streamed event previewing and celebrating Netflix’s upcoming year of content, including notables like Stranger Things, Squid Games, Wednesday, Knives Out, etc. I popped it on in the background just to see what it was all about, and my overwhelming feelings were:
“Wow, this is cringey.”
“Wow, Netflix is the only thing that exists anymore.”
Like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones, Netflix appears to have collected EVERY A-list celebrity and auteur creator and then trotted them all across the Tudum stage to do their song and dance for the big red N. You can’t watch Ben Affleck and Matt Damon clowning with Cookie Monster and not imagine Ted Sarandos cackling, “Dance, my puppets, dance!!” And that, I’m sure, was the point: To flex all over Disney the competition.
If my tone sounds critical, just know that I said out loud, “TAKE ALL MY MONEY, NETFLIX OVERLORD!” earlier today. After all, I’m glad that SOMEONE is building a content kingdom big enough to save “Sesame Street.”
Taylor Swift now owns the masters of her first six albums. I made an explainer on Instagram. Good for her! Now those re-records feel a little bit like we prepped for Y2K and have a bunch of barrels of grain in our attics. But hey, what’s not to love about some extra grain, I guess?
‘Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning’
To me, “Mission: Impossible” is camp for straight dudes. [“Camp” as in the aesthetic, not like tents and Zippos.] As is the "Fast & Furious” franchise. They’re fun, exaggerated masculinity theater; gaudy action played absolutely straight-faced as any good irony should be, armed with the knowledge that it’s all ultimately — and I can’t emphasize this enough — deeply silly. I love it!
And the only person in this latest installment who truly understood that assignment was Tramell Tillman.
The way Tillman, who became an audience darling in his turn as Seth Milchick in “Severance,” gives a line reading!? His TIMING! His TONE! His SERIOUSNESS, but with FLAIR! This is a man born in the decade of Terminator, Die Hard, Top Gun, Commando, Indiana Jones. He understands that the dialogue is absurd. Nay, he delights in the absurdity of the dialogue! And in doing so, he elevates it.
“Mister, if you want to poke the bear ... Ohhhhh, you have come to the right man.”
—Tramell Tillman, reinventing acting in ‘Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning’
When Tillman wasn’t on screen, it was … meh? Everyone else [except Simon Pegg, who at least gets funny lines, and Rolf Saxon, who brought an emotional gravitas] was giving me: Joyless, stressed, uptight.
Call me joyless, stressed, and uptight, but I think they finally jumped the shark submarine. I know the whole point of MI movies is that the mission is impossible. But this one was the straw that broke my suspension-of-disbelief-camel’s back. That submarine scene alone was SO against any laws of physics, I just felt annoyed and bored. [And this is coming from a woman who was totally on board with Ludacris flying a car into space in “F9”!]
I asked ChatGPT about it, and ChatGPT basically said, “None of that is scientific, but like, have you ever heard of movies????”
Anyways, it was kind of a mess. The plot was so convoluted that they had to spend 40 percent of the dialogue explaining it. Dare I say it: Yawn!! But even a bad “Mission: Impossible” has a high floor of enjoyability, and I had a great night out at the IPIC.
Verdict: 5/10. My favorite MI movie is the fifth [“Rogue Nation”2], and the new one is near the bottom of my list.
Ben’s Verdict, for all the Ben fans out there: 8/10! He said, “Hannah, the stunts were incredible, don’t overthink it. Nobody was here for the dialogue.” Ouch!
If you need a quick series recap before the new movie, this one did a great job in just 13 minutes. Or, you can revisit mine from summer 2023 when I watched all of them, most for the first time, and only fell asleep a couple times!
Part 1 of my binge: The Endless Boy of Summer (spoiler: it’s Tom Cruise again!)
Part 2 of my binge: I've Got a Bone to Pick with Ethan Hunt
A Moment for Grammar Nerds
The other, perhaps unsung, MVP of the entire “Mission: Impossible” franchise? The endash!3 What would Tom Cruise’s sprawling franchise be — nay, how could it even exist — without that little piece of punctuation? I submit to the jury as evidence:
Mission: Impossible (1996)
Mission: Impossible 2 (2000)
Mission: Impossible III (2006)
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (2011)
Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (2015)
Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018)
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning (2025)
Allegedly, they switched from numbering the movies to the subtitle format when they looked into the future and saw “MI6” looming, a term belonging to James Bond.
We haven’t even touched on the galaxy-brain fact that they switched from Arabic numerals (2) to Roman numerals (III) between the second and third film?? While the official title of the second one was “Mission: Impossible II,” it was styled as “M:i-2” [truly insane] and now is usually written as “Mission: Impossible 2.”
That’s some real pre- and post-9/11 semiotics! The carefree, flamboyant, party-like-it’s-1999 “M:i-2” vs. the somber, rigid “Mission: Impossible III.”
A PhD could be written, and many articles have been, about the falling-in-and-out-of-vogue of Roman numerals in movie-sequel typography. Nerd alert!
‘Sirens’ is Bingeable Popcorn TV
“Sirens” on Netflix is a “mid” show that surprisingly outkicks its coverage by leaning on a stellar cast and not attempting to do too much. It’s just five episodes, each one as absurd, dramatic, and playful as the last.
It’s comparable to “The Perfect Couple,” but instead of being a show so bad it’s pretty good, “Sirens” is just pretty good. Sure, when I started the first episode, I rolled my eyes so much I lost a contact lens. But once you get used to the tone — which has the drunk energy of a slapstick comedy set on the edge of an emotional and actual cliff — it’s a cheeky good time.
It was written by Molly Smith Metzler, creator and showrunner of “Maid,” one of the most underrated series of the last few years, and produced by Margot Robbie’s production company, LuckyChap.4 It stars Fahy, Julianne Moore, Kevin Bacon, and Milly Alcock from House of the Dragon.
It’s full of deeply unserious seriousness and fun throwaway lines like one from a drunk girl in a small-town jail: “I was in NXIVM briefly. I would’ve been in the documentary, but I got adult mono.” I LOL’ed!
An ode to Meghann Fahy: Some actresses are known as “scream queens.” Meghann Fahy is my Popcorn Queen. She’s not always going to be in the BEST thing, but she’s going to be in something watchable as hell, and she’s going to be a big reason it’s watchable! She’s funny, she sings, she has physical humor and athleticism, her facial expressions alone are Emmy-worthy, and she’s — pardon me very much for objectifying her but — gorgeous. I think ALL THE TIME about the fact that she and Leo Woodall met on the set of White Lotus and have basically been quietly together ever since. So chic! She’s also in her own “Red Eye”-type movie right now.
My alternative title to this newsletter was: “Meghann Fahy: Impossible to Spell, Even More Impossible to Forget 💖”
4 Things Enriching My Life This Week
“Good Hang with Amy Poehler” is a perfect podcast from my lifelong top celebrity hero.
Andi Marie Tillman’s comedy as “Patsy” who works in the county clerk’s office is pitch-perfect every time.
Stand-up comic Josh Johnson. We went to see him live, and it’s stunning how prolific he is. Always has something fresh on current events.
The Barry Keoghan profile in Hollywood Authentic is worth a read. Really vulnerable and really powerful story of growing up in foster care and struggling with addiction. He must’ve really trusted this journalist.
That’s all! If you made it to the end, congratulations and thank you!! I’d love to hear your thoughts, opinions, hot takes, reactions, and recommendations, too.
I want to be VERY CLEAR that I only use ChatGPT on my personal phone for dumb free-time stuff and never for work. Girl, I’m not trying to be a trailblazer at THE New York Times!
Known by me as “The One With Rebecca Ferguson In The Yellow Dress”
I spent a full ten minutes at a sports bar last night explaining the difference between an endash and an emdash, making diagrams with my hands and everything. I’m a fun nerd!
Speaking of, Architectural Digest just did a tour of the LuckyChap offices. My favorite detail is the Golden Globe stashed away in the printer room, and my least favorite detail is how not a single window is uncovered?? Which makes me certain the view is a strip-mall parking lot.
I do in fact use Chat GPT for work (judge me) mostly to write emails where I need to push back on someone. I am not a confrontational person and so it helps me get started… obviously I personalize it in my own voice but it helps me know where to start.
*whispers* I’ve never seen a Mission Impossible movie… maybe I should try them.
Good Hang is a little bright spot in my week and I just love it!
The first 90 minutes of Mission 8 were trash. It would have been easier to follow if the boom mike was just the mini mic that you used at the Kentucky Derby...at least I would have been able to watch that little mic going back and forth between inane dialogue. Ha.
Nice recaps as always!