"This is going to ruin the tour." -Rhaenyra to Daemon probably

House of the Dragon reactions ahead!

This week I’m excited to go see “Thelma” and “Ghostlight,” which will be on my list of top indie films of the summer. Look for that next week unless something else swoops in and steals my attention!

“Heartbreak is one thing, my ego’s another / I beg you, don’t embarrass me, motherf***er.” What I imagine these women say to the men around them and are constantly disappointed. (Courtesy of HBO/Max)

Did someone say Fantasy Girl Summer??

This week, House of the Dragon is the water blood, I am the sponge. The part of my psyche labeled “Fantasy¹ Island” is at FULL ATTENTION. The 14-year-old girl who brought an Elvish dictionary on a flight for “airplane reading” [it’s me] has awakened from her slumber. I have been returned to my factory settings [excitement + curiosity + pretending to be a mermaid princess in the community pool].

I posted on Instagram about the Empire State Building getting into House of the Dragon marketing, and my friend Becky texted me in response: “Is house of dragons even that big of a deal?” To which I said, “Number one, how dare you? Number two, what!??” To which she said, “Sorry, I just thought everyone hated the franchise after the last season of Game of Thrones.” To which I said, “Becky, forgiveness isn’t a choice it’s a CALLING.”

But then another friend told me today that they aren’t watching HotD [pronounced “Hot D,” unfortunately] because they were so disappointed by the ending of Game of Thrones, thus providing support for Becky’s theory.

To which I say, to all peoples of the earth: Would you not risk heartbreak in order to feel love again??? Game of Thrones betrayed you, but are you telling me you would return the entire experience, gift receipt and all??? I refuse to accept that!!

That’s my question this week: Did you give up after Game of Thrones? Or, if you were never a GoT fan, what show has disappointed you the most? And, if you could go back, would you just skip it entirely?

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Way-too-early conclusions about House of the Dragon Season 2 after watching Episodes 1 & 2

**Minor spoilers for Episodes 1 & 2**

It’s grim! It’s dark! It’s twisted! It’s slow! I loved it!!

Episode 1 was dynamite. Episode 2 gave me some pacing concerns: some things really dragged, while others paid off way too quickly…. But we’ll blow right past that for now! I’m just happy to be back in Westeros.

Here are my takeaways, in no particular order, then we’ll jump into superlatives.

I love that we’re back to the “What was Aragorn’s tax policy?” of it all. That’s how George R. R. Martin describes the seed of his idea for his fantasy writing. Dedicating a whole scene to Aegon listening to farming complaints and somehow making it hilarious? Yes.

There’s nowhere like Westeros to really make you appreciate how so much of our own actual history was decided by horny, violent teenagers. “When princes lose their temper, it is often others who suffer.”

Not to go all “Feminist Lit Crit 101” but I love the reframing of the source material. The book, “Fire & Blood,” is written as a fictional history from the POV of an Archmaester documenting oral traditions. In it, this war is sort of framed as: “Look what happens when women get in charge.” I like how the show is basically like, “Let’s be honest, it’s probably the dudes’ fault.”

The subtitle of this show should be: “Hope that doesn’t come back to haunt us! (Narrator: It did.)”

Workplace Stress Rating: A billion. Major yikes when you make a mistake at work² and a [redacted] gets killed?!?!? And here I am, stressing out over an email! And then we have Mysaria basically pulling a Gen Z in the Workplace — i.e. gives zero f***s about her work ethic anymore. (Sorry, Gen Z, I didn’t mean it!)

I’m Team Black all the way, but I fear I remain an Alicent sympathizer. No one is serving Tortured Poet’s Department the way DOWAGER QUEEN ALICENT HIGHTOWER is doing it! No one has EVER looked as miserable in a bath! No one has EVER been less able to take responsibility for the consequences of her children actions! Our girl is giving suffering. She is giving regret. She is giving self-loathing. She is giving uncontrollable lust. She is giving “Oops I did it³ again”!! She’s the complicated villain we deserve and also just a woman with a fucken terrible family whose childhood was stolen from her.

All these women [two] growing out of their crushes on Daemon is so high school and I love it. Someone said Daemon is like a cat that brings you a dead bird and then is upset you don’t like it. Accurate, but I would “yes, and” that and posit he’s also the Matty Healy of Westeros. Get ready for Rhaenyra’s banger “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.”

Daemon vs. Aemund is my favorite contrast right now. They’re like two sides of one coin: Both are younger sons who feel they have a better claim to the crown than their older brothers, both are the strongest warrior on their side, both let their aggression get out of control and started a war. But the interesting contrast is how Aemund seemingly still has the ability to feel remorse, where Daemon does not. Fantastic narrative symmetry that I hope will eventually pay off in a big way.

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Episodes 1 & 2 Superlatives

• Who won the episodes: Tom Glynn-Carney as King Aegon. They really let him cook, and he’s delivering a tasting menu of Michelin-star, royal-inbred tragicomedy. Chef’s kiss.

• Runner-up: Rhaenyra, who, with just one line of spoken dialogue in episode 1, and a massive fight with Daemon in episode 2, gives us the emotional core upon which this war will hinge.

• Best insult: There were a LOT of top-tier insults, mostly aimed by Otto at his grandson [such a nice family]. But the winner has to be Aegon’s “smug c**t of Dragonstone” which is a great band name.

• Top lesson: Don’t send someone to do your dirty work for you! Especially if their names are Blood and Cheese or — far worse — Daemon “Did He Just Call For a [redacted]’s [redacted]?” Targaryen!

• Messiest B*tch award: Ser Criston Cole [who I accidentally called “Mr. Collins” once and that was absolutely spot on] is a living argument for the fact that being petty and keeping a death grip on your passive-aggressive grudge is a trait for all genders.

• Prom Queen Award for prettiest new face that made me say “hel-lo!”: Addam of Hull, hel-lo!

• Power Ranking Leader Episode 1: Aemund and Vhagar, who combined make the most powerful weapon in Westeros.

• Power Ranking Leader Episode 2: Otto Hightower. Otto was lowkey hilarious this week and even though TECHNICALLY he is now unemployed, he’s still head and shoulders above these dumb-ass kids. An evil dude, but damn he had some zingers.

That’s all for this week! I don’t have time to do a full additional HotD post every week like last season, but I’ll check in on power rankings at the bottom of each newsletter. I would LOVE to hear your highlights, lowlights, power rankings, faves, or general thoughts!

1. Not The Sexual Kind

2. If sleeping with your boss while on the clock can be categorized as a “mistake”?

3. Betray everyone who ever loved me, and also treat my kids like shit!