Two Things That DERAILED My Friday
Taylor Swift + fictional slander against my alma mater??
Scroll down to get a Spotify playlist of my favorite songs from the new Taylor Swift album. She released 31 tracks, and I edited it down to 15! I made it for paid subscribers because I want to find ways to thank you guys!
Not to put a label on it, but I’m a Taylor Swift fan who wouldn’t exactly call herself a Swiftie. [Oh god, am I one of those people who says: “I believe in women’s rights, but I wouldn’t call myself a feminist”? Cancel me!]
My presumptive authority on Taylor Swift comes from the fact I’ve been listening to her since the very first self-titled album in 2006, and that I could karaoke most of her songs without the teleprompter thingy. I have Taylor Swift songs that can immediately take me back to the exact emotions I had during specific relationships. Don’t we all have a someone for Dear John, for All Too Well, for Begin Again? I sincerely hope you don’t have someone for Mean, but I sure as hell do! And I hope you have friends you associate with 22!1
Anyways, today we’re talking Taylor Swift because this new album might be her most controversial, and your girl has A LOT of thoughts!
I’d love to hear yours! What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song? What ones defined eras for you? What do you think of the new album? Or, why don’t you like Taylor swift? lol
But first, something that derailed me from even Taylor...
New Book Club: The Covenant College Slander Book!
The text from my friend Laura came in at 11:13 a.m. on Friday, accompanied by a link to the book above: “Have you seen this book?? Apparently it’s about a girl who went to Covenant College and becomes a social climber in nyc??? My friend Sarah said her friend from Nashville says it’s ‘blowing up’ among her evangelical friends.”
Reader, when I say I spiraled, I mean I S P I R A L E D: Slammed my laptop shut, Paused Taylor Swift, Instantly googled the author on my phone, Reeled, Asked God if they gave me the strength for this, Looked up to the heavens and for Goodreads reviews, Exhaled, Died. [The Reel I made whilst spiraling.]
I immediately purchased the book on one-day shipping and now have it in my hands. Two immediate updates: The school is “Covenant University” not “Covenant College.” But I still find this close enough to pass as libel. Also, it seems like the author thinks “Evangelical” and “Catholic” are interchangeable terms because these college students go to mass and have nuns teaching them — which is hilarious. What this tells me is that this lady did not do her research. I was raised Evangelical with cousins who were Catholic, and I can assure you: The two are not the same. It’s like writing a book about an Olympic figure skater and setting it during the Summer Olympics. Like, sure, they’re both under the umbrella of The Lord’s Olympics, but they are different branches!
Anyways, who’s joining my book club?
Taylor Swift’s New Album: The Tortured Poets Department
“Taylor Swift creating masterpieces instead of doing emotional work reminds me of Freddie Mercury not wanting to get his teeth fixed because it helped his singing range.”
-My friend Katie in my Instagram DMs
Taylor, I love you; it’s ruining my life!2 The Two-Album Truthers3 were right — Taylor dropped a 16-track album at midnight on Friday, then, two hours later, dropped 15 more songs.
It’s too many!! They all sound alike! I have a JOB, Taylor!! I’m sure the tweens and teens who don’t have a 9-5 were swimming laps through this, but your girl was treading water until Saturday around noon when I’d finally made it through all 31 tracks.
Upon first listen: It was…fine? Boring? Not my favorite Taylor Swift album! It sounds like her last three albums, which are not my faves, either. Good background music where every now and then one of the tracks really jumps out at you and makes you cry unexpectedly in the middle of a Tuesday?
Update 71 hours later: Two of these songs are in my top favorites of Taylor ever [Black Dog and Down Bad] — and I really, really like 15 songs of the 31, which I’ve put in my no-skips playlist.
This album is basically Taylor Swift telling us her story with some background music. She’s still doing those loose, unstructured, flowery lyrics that aren’t my favorite. But she really put her entire heart in there.
So now I actually am feeling oddly both annoyed and thankful! I had a lot of angst leading into this album. She sent us to therapy with her cringe Grammys behavior. I didn’t like the way fans were circling, ready to take down Joe Alwyn for no clear reason, while it felt like Taylor was the one chumming the water. But then, Release Day reminded me of what I love about being a fan. Everyone is having the time of their lives — together. I had so many people in my DMs discussing the album, positive and negative. And I felt so connected!
Ultimately, I DO wish she had released 10 absolute bangers instead of 31 so-so songs.
But what we got was more Taylor Alison Swift to discuss and share. All she has done is be one of the most prolific artists ever, run the highest-grossing music tour in history, and now topped album streaming records. She’s been more transparent about that experience — her wealth, access, fame — in this album than ever before. And yet she still is able to access the most hurt parts of herself and put them on display to say, “When our hearts break, they break the same; if you prick me, do I not bleed?”
And I guess that’s fine with me.
And now for a Taylor Swift Q&A that nobody asked for!
1. What’s your favorite song?
“THE BLACK DOG”!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When Taylor Swift, the most famous woman in the world, sings, “I hope it’s shitty in The Black Dog” while watching her ex-lover hang out there on Find My Friends? THAT’S ART!!!
Bonus: “Down Bad” was the first song that popped for me on first listen and has been stuck in my head for three days.
2. Can we get a no-skips playlist?
Why yes! If 31 songs are just too much for you, I made a playlist of my favorite songs, sort of in order of how much I like them.
Consider this a little gift to those of you who are paid subscribers! Simply click the image below:
[But I’m no Scrooge. If you have my cell phone number, just ask for the link lol.]
3. What/Who is it about? Joe Alwyn? Matty Healy? Travis Kelce?
Swifties have been in a feeding frenzy trying to figure out what lyrics are about which man. Taylor references that frenzy in “How Did It End?” generously calling it “empathetic hunger.”
But I think that’s the wrong way to listen to Taylor’s music. This is a sad album about loneliness and isolation and fighting for light. She uses her specific relationships as more of a jumping-off point for broad experiences: She’s writing biographically but also imaginatively. [She has gotten more vague as she’s aged — imo to the detriment of the storytelling, but it does reflect more maturity?]
Sure, there are songs that are clearly about Travis Kelce, several more that are clearly about her six-year relationship with Joe Alwyn, and weirdly even more that are about her ill-advised situationship with Matty Healy that she started in 2014 and rekindled in 2023. We learn A LOT and not very much at the same time.
The Joe ones are beautiful and sad [So Long, London; loml4; I Can Do It With a Broken Heart; The Black Dog].
The Matty ones are angry and passionate [But Daddy I Love Him; Guilty as Sin?; The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived].
The Travis ones are silly and cute [The Alchemy; So High School].
But as a whole, the album is less about the specifics and more about what life does to you, what it’s like to be caught up in your feelings, and why having a heart kind of implies heartbreak — and we are the sum of what we choose to do with that.
“The whole album is All Too Unwell (2 hours 2 minutes version).”
-My friend Melanie with the cleverest review I’ve heard yet
4. Is Taylor Swift cringey?
Of course! I liken the Taylor Swift vibe to “Anne Hathaway’s cringe era.” May they who have never been cringe cast the first stone! I could look her in the eyes and tell her that my first AIM screen name was “YouRaiseMeUp16,” based on the Josh Groban song, and she would look me back in my eyes and say, “I love you,” and she would MEAN IT.
Get out of here, haters! [Swift herself gives plenty of middle fingers to the judgy fans in this album.]
5. Is Taylor ever going to, like, get over it or whatever?
A lot of critics are questioning: “Why can’t this billionaire woman stop singing about heartbreak?” But she herself has posed and answered that question in her own lyrics: Some of it is an emotional delay from becoming famous so young, some of it is personality, and most of it is intentional.
She is a cartographer of the young heart. In her own words, “Everything comes out teenage petulance.” Taylor Swift is Emotional Girl Music. As I said in my Midnights review:
So, does it all come across as complaining? Sure, if that’s how you want to hear it. But if you’re listening to her, let’s assume you’re like her friend who just said, “Honey, tell me everything!”
Major Caveat: Her Kim Kardashian song on this album is so mind-bogglingly stupid to me that I’m just pretending it doesn’t exist. Please move on from this, Taylor! You are in a one-sided death match against someone who is just living her life, not thinking about you!
6. Does it sound too much like Lana Del Rey/others?
I mean, hit play on the first song, and you’ll think it’s Lana. Taylor and Lana are friends and love each other’s music and they’re both produced by Jack Antonoff. And it might be time to move on from Jack? Not to say she isn’t driving her own sound; she clearly chose Jack because she likes this sound. But I’m tired of it! In the words of my friend Melanie, “I’m ready for her happy, go-sports, poppy album.”
7. Why does no one hire editors anymore?
My dears, 31 songs is too many! Movies are too long these days, and so, I fear, are albums! And so, I fear, is this substack post!
8. Where does TTPD rank in her discography?
My definitive, completely biased ranking of every Taylor Swift album [That I took WAY too seriously and really spent 45 minutes thinking about]:
1989
Red
Speak Now
Fearless
Lover
Reputation
“Our Song” “Teardrops on My Guitar” and “Tim McGraw” from her self-titled
The Tortured Poets Department
Midnights
Folklore
Evermore
Self-titled
Favorite Taylor Swift songs: Dear John, All Too Well, Blank Space, Bad Blood (feat. Kendrick Lamar)
Finally: Some random thoughts from my Notes app while listening to TTPD
This is an album about how a man who uses a typewriter should be avoided, even if you, in fact, are the type of girl who probably loves a typewriter.
I am someone who: Had a Jack Kerouac/camping phase and fell in love with boys who mansplained Bob Dylan [Matty Healy, probably], but then ended up marrying a sports boy who treats me better than any of them ever did [Ben, obviously]. I’m here for an album purging the mansplainers to make way for the jock.
I’m sorry, but I’m just still trying to process how she could think this face has “bedroom eyes”??
I once got attacked by Swifties on Instagram for calling Joe Alwyn “Taylor Swift’s boyfriend” and saying, “he must be hot in person.” How the tables have turned!
As someone who stubbornly thinks Taylor/Travis is a temporary gig, I find it SO FUNNY listening to the Travis songs compared to the Joe and Matty ones. Her Joe and Matty songs are cries from the depths of her soul and her Travis songs are like, “Had fun watching American Pie with ur friends!” LMAO!! So happy for her! “So High School” sounds like it came straight from The OC soundtrack.
To my sister, who rightfully critiqued Death By A Thousand Cuts as being “Sorry, but a little melodramatic,” I give you: This entire album!
That’s all, you made it! Let’s hear all your thoughts!! Drop a comment or a heart — I love the community here.💜
Becky, Nat, Laura <3
I am, obviously, quoting Taylor Swift here. She wrote the line “I love you; it’s ruining my life” and I do believe she wrote it with a chuckle at herself.
The fans who thought she was dropping clues that the “new album” would, in fact, be two.
“loml” is internet slang for “love of my life,” but Taylor puts her twist on it as “loss of my life.” And that’s Tay making internet slang history.
Wait, I listen to Apple Music! Don’t slander us subscribers to Apple One. 😂
“This is an album about how a man who uses a typewriter should be avoided, even if you, in fact, are the type of girl who probably loves a typewriter.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣